so very sad...

My girlfriend broke up with me last night...we spent most of the day together into the evening...like normal...as we are eating brownies with ice cream she starts talking about how she can't be in a relationship how the death of her mom and the grief is just too over whelming for her to be present in our relationship...Her mom passed last March it is coming up on one year. So very sad for her and how she must be feeling...we put most of our relationship on hold, just seeing each other on the weekends for half a day or so...texting daily just to know she is ok. 

It breaks my heart..yet I know she needs to be alone...so I walk away and feel like I am abandoning her...which is not what I want to do...I want to be there for her but not if if makes things worse...which is what she started saying...she said it gave her something that she had to work on and it took too much energy to be in a relationship so I cry and give her her keys and take mine and just sit in the car crying she wants to give me a hug good bye and I refuse as I am so so hurt by all this...numb and angry and just reeling at the prospect of not being with her...

This is difficult and needed all at the same time...I know I will be fine...but right now it is a raw open wound that just gushes with memories and pain...