So very sad

I am in Ottawa - tomorrow we lay Lisa's ashes to rest in the little cemetery near her home.  We went to buy flowers to lay on her grave.  I couldn't stop crying.  It is just so final.
We have some of her ashes at home but this is different somehow.
We are at the home Lisa loved so much.  Harvey and Beth are redecorating, and although Lisa's photo is displayed, a lot of the photos, art etc is changed. It is normal for Beth and Harvey to want to make it their own, yet keep Lisa's memory alive.  But I feel just awful.  I have such mixed up feelings.  I am glad that Cevyn is doing so well and Beth treats her like a princess.  But I wish so much that Cevyn had her real mother here to guide her.  Heck I want her real mother here for me too.
Lisa - Sometimes life feels unbearable with you gone.  I miss you always and love you forever.