So upset with myself

When I talk to my theripist last night we talked about the meds I'm taking.  She asked if the lamictal seemed to help.  Well I told her it was hard because I went out of my normal routine b4 the med had a chance to work.  I am refering to my job loss.  So its hard to know if it helped or not....thinking not.  Since I started taking 2mg of abilify I couln't sleep.  Well doing better since I take it in the a.m.We talked about the bipolar and my past use of meth 5+ yrs ago.  Thinking either brain damage or bipolar.  WHAT THE FUCK!  Why can't they...yes 2 (theripist&RN who specializes in mood disorders)  of them figure this shit out.
I have my drug pusher appt at 2:30 so hopefully she will have some answers.  My theripist who specializes in neuropsych better be doing some research b4 our next appt.  
Just so Pissed...fuckin hate myself