So unsure

My life seems to be calm one moment and chaotic the next. I am in the early stages of a divorce, and I then started an online relationship that I wasn't  prepared would go as far as it has. I am becoming the woman I want to be, and yet I am unsure about everything this life is throwing at me. 
I am a woman who is starting to look great again, after many years of ignoring myself. I wasted so much time, and I also was neglected sexually, and I have insatiable desires it seems. I am realizing now that I was starving and I didn't even know it. I want to feel a man's touch, his kisses, his embrace, his body against mine, his member inside me, his mouth on the core of what makes me a woman. I want it all, I want a man to take control, just for one night, just to be totally in lust with me, to want me, to devour me. I want everything, and yet if I got it, I'd be scared.
This man I crave and who craves me on the internet, lives so far away. He is single, no commitments, and I am the one w/kids, commitments, a marriage to end, a new job to find. I sometimes wonder what I am doing. I need chaos, then calm, a storm and then a quiet rain. I am anxious and confused, and so much more.