So Tired Today
Today I was just so tired. I woke up at 7:30am and couldn't fall back asleep. I went to sleep around 11, so I got less sleep than I need. I felt pretty good when I woke up, but I still needed a nap. I took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day that I feel bad for, but I needed it. I hope I can sleep tonight. I need to take a shower, but I don't want to because it's so cold here. I think I'm going to go take my shower and come back, so my hair can dry a bit before I get ready to go to sleep. Okay, I'm done and nice and clean now. I'm waiting for my hair to dry so I can go to sleep, but that shower woke me up. I took a nice, warm, calming shower and it wakes me up lol. At least I feel better, more human. I needed to shave as well, so I got that done too. It's funny the things that wake me up... showering is one of them, I guess. I need to figure out what wakes me up and what doesn't so I can do them at the right times to make myself get up and go to sleep.
I beat myself up for the nap because I didn't get to spend as much time with my mom today as I would have liked. I went for my long walk today, 2.5 miles, and that took me over an hour. I can't believe that tomorrow is my last day to spend here. I go home on Sunday, early in the morning. So tomorrow is going to be getting ready to leave. I guess today was just a day of bad decisions, since I didn't go with my mom to her internet cafe again like I did earlier in the week. It's just that they cost a decent amount of money, and I didn't want her spending money that she doesn't have on me, and I can't afford it with all the things I need to buy. At night, she's on the computer so much that it's hard to spend time with her. I have to do my journal here in the room and then go out there and have her take a break on the computer so I can hook up my laptop to post my journal.
Part of the reason I didn't go with her to the cafe is because I wanted to spend some time online, since I slept all day. I have to not do that tomorrow. Hopefully I will sleep well tonight so I can spend all the time I can with my mom tomorrow. I think I've done good with spending time with her this trip, going with her to all her appointments and such. I wouldn't say we bonded, but we did get to spend some time together which is good. I don't know if I need bonding time with my mom. She is my mom, and we are pretty close. Much closer than we used to be. I should have gone with her to the cafe, but it's too late for that now. I just need to learn from my mistakes.
As you can tell from the way I've been writing this journal, the mood of the day is guilt. My mom was cleaning today also, but I was just so tired that I couldn't help. I tried helping by cleaning the windows and just made more of a mess. I felt really bad, but all I could think about was sleep, so I had to go lie down. That's when I took the nap. When I woke up, they were done cleaning. Tomorrow I need to do my own laundry and stuff, so I can come home with clean clothes. I have to at least get something productive done. I hope to go to the mall with my mom or something, so we can walk around and spend some time together, She works at the mall, so she might be sick of it, but I want to go somewhere where we can walk around and spend time together. I've gotten to spend some time with her husband as well, but not as much as the last time I was out here. We didn't go driving at all this time. I've been mainly focused on my mom, as I should.
Food today was in the pattern for when I've been here. I've been high on calories one day, then low the next. I guess I'm throwing my body for a loop. Today I was pretty good... I was in my range for the day at least. I have room to eat something else if I get hungry, but I don't think I will. Last night I was over on my calories and had to not eat even though I was hungry, but then I woke up at 7am hungry and couldn't fall back asleep. I guess I have to learn from my mistakes. I know if I get hungry tonight I'm going to eat something, just so I don't wake up so early. Then on Sunday, I have to wake up early to get on the train to go home. Stress was medium today... I didn't feel stressed out, but I have this guilt hanging over me so I know that there's something there. Mood I'm going to put as okay, since I slept most of the day and I don't really know how I'm doing other than feeling guilty. Sleep, well, most of this journal was talking about sleep, so I've said enough about that.
I beat myself up for the nap because I didn't get to spend as much time with my mom today as I would have liked. I went for my long walk today, 2.5 miles, and that took me over an hour. I can't believe that tomorrow is my last day to spend here. I go home on Sunday, early in the morning. So tomorrow is going to be getting ready to leave. I guess today was just a day of bad decisions, since I didn't go with my mom to her internet cafe again like I did earlier in the week. It's just that they cost a decent amount of money, and I didn't want her spending money that she doesn't have on me, and I can't afford it with all the things I need to buy. At night, she's on the computer so much that it's hard to spend time with her. I have to do my journal here in the room and then go out there and have her take a break on the computer so I can hook up my laptop to post my journal.
Part of the reason I didn't go with her to the cafe is because I wanted to spend some time online, since I slept all day. I have to not do that tomorrow. Hopefully I will sleep well tonight so I can spend all the time I can with my mom tomorrow. I think I've done good with spending time with her this trip, going with her to all her appointments and such. I wouldn't say we bonded, but we did get to spend some time together which is good. I don't know if I need bonding time with my mom. She is my mom, and we are pretty close. Much closer than we used to be. I should have gone with her to the cafe, but it's too late for that now. I just need to learn from my mistakes.
As you can tell from the way I've been writing this journal, the mood of the day is guilt. My mom was cleaning today also, but I was just so tired that I couldn't help. I tried helping by cleaning the windows and just made more of a mess. I felt really bad, but all I could think about was sleep, so I had to go lie down. That's when I took the nap. When I woke up, they were done cleaning. Tomorrow I need to do my own laundry and stuff, so I can come home with clean clothes. I have to at least get something productive done. I hope to go to the mall with my mom or something, so we can walk around and spend some time together, She works at the mall, so she might be sick of it, but I want to go somewhere where we can walk around and spend time together. I've gotten to spend some time with her husband as well, but not as much as the last time I was out here. We didn't go driving at all this time. I've been mainly focused on my mom, as I should.
Food today was in the pattern for when I've been here. I've been high on calories one day, then low the next. I guess I'm throwing my body for a loop. Today I was pretty good... I was in my range for the day at least. I have room to eat something else if I get hungry, but I don't think I will. Last night I was over on my calories and had to not eat even though I was hungry, but then I woke up at 7am hungry and couldn't fall back asleep. I guess I have to learn from my mistakes. I know if I get hungry tonight I'm going to eat something, just so I don't wake up so early. Then on Sunday, I have to wake up early to get on the train to go home. Stress was medium today... I didn't feel stressed out, but I have this guilt hanging over me so I know that there's something there. Mood I'm going to put as okay, since I slept most of the day and I don't really know how I'm doing other than feeling guilty. Sleep, well, most of this journal was talking about sleep, so I've said enough about that.
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