SO TIRED OF THE LIES... AND THE B.S. !!!!!

I'm so sick of this ' Merry-Go-Round ' of LIES that I feel like I'm on ! It's ALWAYS the Same Story.... First I FIND the PROOF.... Then I CONFRONT Him with IT....Then HE DENIES IT...AND FURTHER SWEARS THAT IT'S NOT EVEN REALLY HAPPENING...Then I FIND FURTHER PROOF that IT IS STILL HAPPENING...and I'm BACK TO THE BEGINNINGWONDERING... WHAT DO I DO NOW ????DO I CONFRONT HIM AGAIN ????DO I JUST IGNORE IT, AND HOPE IT DOESN'T ESCALATE  ?I'm so Tired of this ! LAST NIGHT was the LAST STRAW ! HOW DARE HE GET UPSET AT ME... AND ACCUSE ME... OF HAVING SOMETHING TO DO WITH SOME ' OTHER WOMAN ' NOT TALKING TO HIM - AS MUCH AS HE THINKS SHE SHOULD - LATELY ! WHAT THE HECK ??!!!!! HOW DARE HE !!!!! He acts as IF He truly thinks He has the RIGHT to fool around on Me WHENEVER HE FEELS LIKE IT.... AND EVEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE, TOO !!!! That He would get UPSET about not hearing from some ONLINE SLUT tells Me that OBVIOUSLY He has some sort of Mis-Guided Feelings for Her... probably just LUST, but at this Point it really doesn't matter what sort of ' Feelings ' it may be - especially since He doesn't care about MY Feelings about ANY of This ! He didn't even see HOW WRONG His RAVING Last Night was ! Right now He's ' OUT ' to do some Things He normally does on the 1st of the Month - like Pay His Cell Phone Bill, Check His Bank Account Balance, and shop for a couple of Things He SAID He was going to get This Month - ( a New Antenna for the TV, and a Cordless Controller for His PS2 Game System ). While He's ' OUT ', though, I'm SURE that He'll be contacting Julie M. - from Tagged.com - and now I'm even ALSO wondering IF He's planning on LEAVING ME FOR HER !Would that be such a ' BAD THING ' ?????Maybe Not... since After all, He is an Abusive, and Controlling BF. BUT.... STILL... My Heart still feels LOVE for Him DESPITE EVERYTHING He's put Me through... YES, I know that's probably NUTS, but it's just the Truth right now. I really WISH it wasn't, since IF I could honestly say I HATED HIS GUTS, then it'd be simple to just tell Him to go after that Other Woman ! Maybe I'm being Paranoid about ALL of this, but I don't think so.It feels all TOO SIMILAR to Me !.... almost EXACTLY like the Times before when He had LEFT ME for some SLUT He'd be contacting a LOT ONLINE ! WHY I had taken Him BACK... TIME AFTER TIME... I DON'T REALLY KNOW, for sure ! ALL I know FOR SURE this Time is that I MUST NEVER take Him BACK AGAIN... IF He Leaves ME AGAIN... FOR YET ANOTHER WOMAN HE'S MET ONLINE !IF it comes down to that.... which in a TWISTED WAY, I sort of HOPE IT DOESN'T.... Then I just HOPE that He DOESN'T Leave Me BEFORE He contributes to the Monthly Expenses the Way that He's ALREADY PROMISED HE WOULD ! IF He Leaves Me now WITHOUT Helping Me at least ' somewhat ' Financially....HE KNOWS that He would leave Me in a Very Awkward Bind !!!!!I WOULDN'T have Enough to Pay ALL of the Monthly Expenses, because of ALREADY relying on HIS WORD that He WILL HELP ! I HATE THIS !!!!I HATE KNOWING THAT I'M DEPENDING ON HIS HELP !!!!( At least This Month I am.... Without Him Here, I KNOW I'd be able to manage Financially - especially since the Electric Bill would be a LOT less without Him here ! )I'm WONDERING.... SINCE HE KNOWS that This Month I NEED His Help with the Bills....DOES HE THINK THAT GIVES HIM THE RIGHT TO DO ' WHATEVER ' HE WANTS... WITH ' WHOEVER ' HE WANTS.... AND I CAN'T SAY A WORD ABOUT IT, SINCE I NEED HIS HELP ????!!!!! I HOPE that He's NOT thinking like that.... but I have a Nagging Hunch that He just MIGHT BE !