So tired now...
Im emotionally tired now. I know because im at the point where I feel so woren out, I dont know how I feel anymore and really I dont care. My bulimia is not doing any better. Lately its gotten worse compared to the past few weeks. My therapist quit me... never saw that coming, I thought Id be the one to quit him. I cant get a grip on anything, its all spinning out of control. My parents arent helping any since their part of the reason I became bulimic in the first place and now that I have lost weight they still want me to lose more. Sometimes I think my parents want me to be skinnier more than I want it. They never seem to be satisfied with my weight now matter how much of a dramamtic number change there has been on the scale. They made me think that 99 lbs is nothing close to being skinny. I dont know what they think skinny is so now I just dont know where to stop. Whenever I eat they always say i need to quit or ill get really fat. I sometimes have thoughts of just cutting the fat off my body so they would be happier with me quicker. According to my "used to be" therapist I have really no fat to take off. He thinks I should be in some clinic when I know the only thing I really need is to be somewhere my parents arent. I want away from here, I cant stand this anymore and I cant live like this. Im so scared... I always think that I will end up dying because of the bulimia. I dont know, sometimes I think that my attempts to get better arent worth it.
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