So this is rock bottom.
Hey guys. I've hit my rock bottom. It's really uncomfortable here. I can't upload any new songs to my I-Pod. That gave me a nervous breakdown. I've been trying to fix it for two weeks and it stiill won't let me on to the I-tunes store. I know I sound like a drama queen. But music is all I have and just...ugh. I found a scale and weighed myself. It's really bad. Like I'm in the middle of my healthy range not even on the lower end. How the FUCK did that happen? I think my body just goes crazy and even when I'm starving half the time I don'tl lose weigh because my metabolsim is so screwed up. My mom doesn't think I'm sick enough fro treatemtn and I strongly suspect it's because I'm not skeletal right now. She was so much more concerned when I was skeletal and now she's likew oh it can wait cuz you're FAT. I keep having to prove to her how sick I am and it's so very sad on the outside looking in. A little girl trying to kill herself to prove she needs help. Oh yeah. And I purged. Whoop de FUCKING doo. Fuck this LIFE.
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Sweetie, your body is absolutely no indication of what is going on in your head. You are very very ill at the moment and I am so sorry your mom is a fool about it. But you cannot listen to her and you must do what is best for you. Can you talk to your therapist about more intensive treatment options? I hope you keep hanging on and fighting. Even though you have hit bottom, it can always get worse, so please don\'t let that happen. You CAN turn things around. Please reach out to us and any help you can and let us support you. YOu are so precious and I am so concerned for you. EVen if you are not skeletal you can do very serious damage to your body and still die. The only way your metabolism will start speeding up is if you eat more and keep it in. I am here for you hun. Let me know if I can do anything more to support you. You are such a blessing to all of us on here. I hope you know that
unless u belong to that religion that thinks that after u die u come back as someone or soemthing else then babes, u only get this one shot...this one life...dont give up on it that easily...lets make a deal...i wont give up if u dont...we will be a big sis and a lil sis side by side trying to live our lives...and not just throw them away...let me know whta u think about this...
Oh my dear friend, I am sorry to hear how terrible you are feeling and I can relate so much to your cries for help but I know from experience you will never ever ever get to the point where you are \"thin enough\" or \"sick enough\" and people who have never had an ed can not ever even understand. I can relate so much as I am approaching my \"healthy\" range so quickly yet i don\'t think i have done a single healthy thing to get here.. but the thing is, once we are here, we have a choice of what we want to do... we can work our asses off to develop some healthy habits or we can go back to where we know we\'ll be miserable. i know it is so hard hon but you have to keep fighting. and if there were ONE thing I could help you understand/focus on it would be this: PLEASE PLEASE don\'t start purging if you can avoid it at all.... it is so horrible for your poor body and it can get out of control and it just replaces one side of this disorder with another... please please please try to fight it... i am here for you if i can help in any way. you are such an amazing and dynamic girl with such a big heart... we all want you to be aroudn here for a long long time, so you have to try to take care of you!
Ughh I know the feeling of being at an acceptable weight and not being ok inside! Wish I had some magic words of advice.. but I don\'t. Just know we are all here for you, and love you.
ps... if i were really your mom ... which i would be so proud to be (even though i would have been pregnant at like 18 he he) then I woudl wrap you in my arms, tell you that you absolutely deserve to get help, and would tkae you to the best treatment facility i could find...
Oh, Meg. I\'m so sorry to hear about this. I hope you can open up to your therapist and be honest with her and tell her that you really aren\'t doing well at all. Your weight does not determine how sick you are, trust me. My second time going into the hospital (about three years ago), I wasn\'t even at my lowest weight. Have you started that outpatient program yet? If so, how is it going?
Please don\'t lose hope just yet. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you CAN get better.
I just want to give you a big hug sweetheart. I am so sorry that you\'re going through this right now. I have been there before and I know the feeling... it is really awful. I think it\'s very courageous that you\'re even asking for help. Just try to keep using your voice instead of your body. Your weight is not an indicator of your worthiness for treatment. You are not fat and you deserve to get help! And whenever you\'re tempted to lose weight again, just remember how awful it is trying to regain it.
Oh god. I can totally relate. *hugs* You shouldn\'t have to prove that you need help. Because you deserve treatment, and don\'t let ED tell you that you don\'t because of this, because I know he\'s gonna try to. Remember, honey, you won\'t be any happier at the bottom of your healthy weight range, or underweight. You\'ll be happy once you kick ED to the curb. Love, and remember there will be a dawn.
Baby girl! You are my hero! Dont throw in the towel! You deserve so much more! I want you were I am. I fully believe you are capeable of it! Please dont think I am being a bitch because that is not what I am trying to accomplish! I just want you to see your full potential!
So sorry you\'re struggling :( Please don\'t give up and keep fighting this! We are all here for you and I couldn\'t stand anything bad happening to you. Your mom must not know much about ED\'s if she thinks you don\'t need treatment. Maybe she should read up on ED\'s a little more because one of the most important things to know is that your size really has nothing to do with it. I was very sick with ED and no one would have known unless I told them because I always stayed at a normal weight. Maybe you should try talking to her more about it? Maybe if she learned more about ED and what you\'re going through, she\'d be more open to the idea of getting treatment. I sure hope so because I worry about you a lot :(
Darling girl! I am so so so sorry to hear this, I wish I could do something for you. I hate when people decide that this disease only needs to be treated when people are a pound away from death. I know I am overweight now but that doesn\'t change the fact that I am close personal friends with ED. Maybe your mom just wants to think you are better...I am sure it hurts her to see you like this...it hurts me and I don\'t even know you in the \"real world\"....I made something for you today b/c I was thinking of you but I may have to send it early, you seem like you need a pick me up....I love you a ton...Please stop the purging before it goes to far...once is one time to many.
i cant belive she said that b/c , your mom sure go back in forth i\'m really sorry hun.Hang in there