so thing came up

and it has left me feeling very empty inside ..like I just have nothing inside me to give ...like all my energy ..has just ..left me ..it is hard to ..be out of bed ..I want to cry ...it is hard to breath ....my head can't stop ..thinking .....but at the same time what I need to be thinking about and doing I can't seam to be able ..to even know ware or how to start...dealing with ...what has come up .....I have to right this letter ...about something in my past .....because someone who is a part of me is asking ..this of me ...and I can't say no .....but it brings back ..a very painfull time in my life that distroied ...the person I was back then ....and made me susidele ...and ..is who I brok and ended up in the hospital with such a bad break dowen ...that I had shut dowen ....could not talk ...could not look at anyone ...if I hadent had my h and would of been living on my Owen I think I would of just payed in bed until I died or someone found me .....but I had my h ...and he ..helped me get dressed ..helped me eat I don't rember that ..it is what he told me and he called the doctor and ..my doctor called the hospital ...and ..I rember seeing the phitrist but I had a very hard time to ..look at him ...even for a moment .....he put me right in the hospital ...and had to give me etc just to get me back because I was going dowen to far to fast .....and you can go down so far they can't get you back ...at least ..not ever the same ....or close to the same .......I got lucky ....they got me back ....but it still hurts ....it brok me ..part of me died ...and has never recovered ....and it is paralizing .. ..me ..right now ....so ..I am taking some time to .try and ...get ...to a better place .....I just want to stay in bed but I can't stand to be in my Owen skin ....so I am getting dressed and going outside to be with my h he always makes ..everything better .....God bless .....