So sick of it.

I'm so sick and tired of everything...Like i really am..

I'm alone 95% of the time... I don't have friends in real life...expect for my "best friend" who barely even bothers to keep contact with me. I'm always the one to call her. Not to mention she laughs at me constantly, even when it's about something serious.. I barely even have friends online...Most of the day i am alone. I don't see anyone until my aunt comes home (which is at 5:30 pm). I barely leave the house during the week... except to go to math class... which i dread every. single. time.

I can't deal with life anymore, and i feel like I'm not even living. I have no life... I have no friends...I don't have a job...not even a high school diploma...I have a 3 year that doesn't live with me, whom i can't take care of because of my shitty mental health issues.... so What is the point in living.... what is the point of me to keep going.... It's always going to be this way. Nothing is going to change... I'm sick and tired of waking up to the same old shit everyday.... waking up with suicidal thoughts... waking up KNOWING that no one will bother with me that day....waking up feeling like a failure. I just want to fucking die. WHAT IS THE POINT OF ME BEING HERE ANYMORE.....WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT.... I'm so bitter on the inside and angry all the time. I just wanna fucking die..... the only reason why i haven't killed myself yet is because i don't have the courage to do it.. not yet anyways.

If it weren't for the bands i listen to, i would be in a mental hospital again... YES again, because i have already been in one.... they keep me sane....when everything's out of control... like it is right now.... im so done....