So sad today.
Just sad today. Had a nightmare about H cheating on me. Mentioned it and he very angrily said "I am NOT cheating on you". Because he totally is. I wish I had the smoking gun to confront him with. But I don't. Only the dozens and dozens and dozens of little proofs, every one of which he would lie to my face about. Although how he could explain away the fact that he SMELLED of her I don't know. Probably just that I'm paranoid. He vacillates between being extremely cold and pissed at me - probably his excuse to go to her, and then he's very loving and smug - delighted that he has two women, and maybe the tiniest bit guilty. What I hate now? (I think this may become a running list, as I hate something new every day). Today I hate that this man will have to be in my life forever. And I will never ever be able to scream the truth about him to the rafters or treat him the way he deserves or the way he's treated me. Because ultimately that would hurt my children, and God knows they need at least one parent to put them first. I wish I could just never see him again, get to work on moving on completely, and its simply not possible. I resent every moment he steals from my life.
Replies
I\'m sorry that your going through this. Take care of yourself since he seems oblivious to your pain. Don\'t be surprised if he turns a corner once he sees that your fine without him. I\'ve seen it many times here on DS where the betrayed did the 180 and all of the sudden it stops the cheater in his tracks.
The 180 is basically acting indifferent towards him. You live your life like he isn\'t there and like you don\'t care what he is doing. You start going out and enjoying your life even if inside your hurting. Justtired has the ins and outs of the 180 and she can give you the breakdown of it. It\'s worth a try if want to rebuild. There is hope afterall and I\'m sure at this point that you\'d be wanting to try anything that helps. It\'s worth a shot.
Hang in there, My prayers are with you! I have seen the truth in what Firefly said. I have seen the changes with my W since I really started focusing on me. You can do it!!