So much to reach out for

As I sit at my peaceful desk and analyze my situation I see that I was holding on so tight for the fear of being alone and starting over. And then I think of all he has put me through and his inconsistency as a man the more I see that there was nothing there for me to hold on to but regularity. And it becomes clear that I have so much more in my future to reach out for than I ever could have held onto being with him. I hope that this clarity stays with me through my rough times and they are still to come. But to be in this moment to know that I have a career which I am working towards, new job options and possibilities and more importantly more variety of people that I will meet over this time that will add value to my life instead of draining every single once that I have to please them.
With this I will know what it is to be me again , to be able to go out in public and not be accused of anything or worried about what might happen. Sure I will still miss him but I have to be real with myself an know that I was holding on to nothing and have more to reach for in my future, wasn't sure if I could grow with him anyway as he wasn't inspired maybe he did us a favor by leaving.