So much for fathers day

I had some plans when I got up this morning, nothing big just pretty much to have a nice say. I git up and the bitching began. There was an envelope on the kitchen table from my wife. I didn't open it and gave it back to her and told her to give it to me some other time (when she wasn't so fucking miserable). I'm sticking to my guns, take me for what I am or leave me. I went for a long bike ride and enjoyed my time alone. My kids are all working, but they called me. I had a break down when my daughter called, it seems that that happens often. I am lonely, but want to be alone how do you figure that. You know I wander if all this is because I use to be a drunk or just life. If I had the money to find a place I would leave right now, but I don't. Well I keep telling myself this is meant to be. I guess I'm still paying my debt for the past. Happy fathers day.