So much for control

Well, it turns out I haven't been in nearly as much control as I thought... My depressions starting to effect my moods, my judgement... Both my boss and my coworker have noticed... Amazing how I can go from borderline stable to this.. I could barely keep myself together today at all, my eyes always felt like they had crusted tears around them. I'm a wreck and only getting worse... I was taking stuff that I know helps a lot but I stopped when it seemed to stop working. I guess taking myself off these meds let the depression rage on through. I've been off them for about a week and yes, my mind has gotten cloudier, my judgement has noticeably been effected, my whole body just feels this unpleasantness to it... Today I was practicing driving to get my permit and I crashed my bosses car (with my coworker in it). No one was hurt, it was just a minor fender-bender... but it's just yet another sign, I'm deteriorating.. I'm fading and I don't like it... I've started myself back on the meds, but I guess they haven't really kicked in yet. I can't even seem to tell how focused my mind is anymore.... Even my coworker and boss told me I should see a doctor at at this point they're probably right... I hate feeling like I can't get over this on my own anymore.. like I need a drug or something extra to overcome it but I have noticed it getting worse.. and I have noticed that every time my depression comes back, it comes back worse. I've also noticed that last time, it got sooo bad that I actually really did need a drug to help make it better... This scares me a little... If I go off whatever drug the doctor gives me, what'll happen?... If I become dependent on something to make my moods stable and manageable again, then what? I don't like not being able to defend myself against something like this but it really is getting harder and harder to handle on my own.
 
I've been sooo hesitant to tell anyone how I've been feeling. Even my closest friends don't know and have no idea how bad its getting. No one knows except for my friend Jo on here and now my coworker but she doesn't know a whole lot and Idk if I should open up to her or not. I've been sooo hesitant to tell her anything, I didn't even want to but to try and put her mind at ease about it I told her I've started taking this stuff again. Right now she suspects it could just be withdrawls from when I quit, and that might be a tiny bit true but it's really just the tip of the ice burg... Should I tell her? She's asked to talk to me about it and promised not to tell anyone.