So much for a fresh start

I don't know why it's so damn hard for me... how hard is it to just not eat? Just don't put food in my mouth... I've done it before. I know it's always hardest when your first starting out but jesus... I ate a full dinner last night and desert. I wasn't even thinking, I just ate.
I feel so weak. Like I'm out of control. I'm almost afraid I will never get back to where I was. But I don't have an option. I have to do this. It's just a matter of time, I guess... I just have to find enough strength.