So Lonely
I can't stop crying this morning. The one year anniversary of your leaving us is but a couple weeks away. There are so many things I want to do, and either can't afford it, or don't have the energy to do.
The kids don't understand. They rarely call. They don't offer to help. I can call for help and they will come, but they never offer. It hurts and it is so lonely.
The lawn needs mowed and it is going to rain. By the time the sun comes out (one day this week, hopefully) it will be so high it will take many trips dumping the clippings.
I feel the pain of mistakes I have made. I feel the pain of not being able to do anything about it, ever!
It is one of the most difficult days I have felt in a long time.
The kids don't understand. They rarely call. They don't offer to help. I can call for help and they will come, but they never offer. It hurts and it is so lonely.
The lawn needs mowed and it is going to rain. By the time the sun comes out (one day this week, hopefully) it will be so high it will take many trips dumping the clippings.
I feel the pain of mistakes I have made. I feel the pain of not being able to do anything about it, ever!
It is one of the most difficult days I have felt in a long time.
Replies
I know what you mean - IT will be 1 month 9 days until one yr anniversary is here. Right now I feel numb, not sure what I should or want to do, same thing I can not really afford much & right now I am not sure I have the energy to do anything either....his ashes are spread separate from where I spread the majority at his request - I won\'t go there it was ugly & horrible with his sons & ex there. Its their place not ours....I am looking at making a place for my honoring him.
Oh Lindeanne,
My heart breaks for you. I think this rotten weather has gotten everyone down. Take a deep breath, do what you can and ASK, ASK, ASK for that help. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you lean into the one year mark. Please let me know how you are doing, okay?
Linda
Sorry you are having a hard time! We all know how that PAIN feels. My Frank has been gone nearly 3 yrs., and I am thankful to be feeling better. My son lives 10 mi. away, and has been faithful to mow my lawn even when his dad was sick. I\'m thankful. My daughter lives 4 hrs. away, and I don\'t see them often, but talk with her daily. I don\'t think our children have a clue how hard the grief is for us. A widowed friend now has cancer, and her children practically ignored her after her husband\'s death until the doc said she was terminal. They were so upset and have really been attentive. I think it was hard for them to face their dad\'s death & not seeing mom alone made it easier on them. It surely was hard on her . Believe me, we all have made mistakes. Try to remember the good times, and the good decisions . As we know \"hind-sight is 20/20.\" I just know you are going to begin to feel better after that 1 yr. mark has passed.
Hugs - Doye
Dear Lindanne,
My heart aches for you reading your journal entry. The approaching anniversary date is like a saddness looming. Try to plan something special just to nurture yourself a bit on that date. I am approaching 2 years in June. It\'s been such a lonely and sad journey. I share your circumstances with having many things I would like to do, but can\'t afford to do so or can\'t find the energy or the courage to do them. I also have children who are nearby that would help if I called, but don\'t offer outright. They have no clue how lonesome this life is. I refrain from sharing my truest feelings with them as I don\'t want to be a burden to them, or anyone else for that matter. I find myself suffering in silence. Not a position I highly recommend. If you can summon the strength to begin asking your children for help, that would be beneficial to you. If you ever feel like just talking, feel free to message me any time. In the mean time I will say a prayer and wish you peace and comfort to dry the tears and take away the pain you are experiencing.