So Lost
I am not doing good tonight at all. My whole body is tense and I feel like I might throw up. I want to cry but am trying not to because I get too upset. I have no appetite and everything I eat goes right through me. This means I am afraid to leave the house. Why did this happen? My son was fine, I keep thinking how I should have scheduled a c-section and he would have been OK. He passed on the last day of my pregnancy. I don't know what to do. I have this terrible felling like my whole life is lost. Mommy and Daddy love you James.
Replies
I\'m sorry your having a hard time. It is never easy. I lost Ty 2 1/2 months ago and I still feel physically ill everyday. I still do not like leaving the house, unless it\'s to visit Ty\'s grave. I will say somethings are getting easier though, it just takes time and a lot of patience with yourself. Allow yourself to feel and cry, crying sometimes feels really good.
We all wonder why it happened to us. We did nothing to deserve this, its not fair, why does it happen? None of us know. Even if they do know why our babies passed we still wonder why it happened to us.
I found this site to be really helpful, its nice to log on here daily and read what other women are thinking or feeling, makes me feel not so alone and we really aren\'t. What happened to us happens to a lot of women its just so taboo to talk about but you are not a lone. It is a painful thing to go through but were all here for eachother, we understand you pain.
Hugs, Jess
I\'m feeling about the same way. Physically and emotionally. We lost our daughter Brenna on Dec. 8 and I delivered her on Dec. 11. She was due Dec. 23. My world is upside down. I haven\'t left the house in days, and I seem to lose whole days doing God knows what. Nothing gets done, yet the days pass. My son and husband are the only ones keeping me going. Otherwise, I don\'t think I would get out of bed. Even though I\'m not leaving the house, I have these sudden urges to just run. Run anywhere and get away from all this pain. I want to scream. I want to cry. I am mad. I am upset. I am unbelievably sad. This is hard. Harder than anything I\'ve ever experienced.
Sometimes, I delude myself into thinking this is all a bad dream. None of it happened. And then I feel incredibly guilty because I love Brenna and I do know that she was with me. I treasure that time we had together and I want more than anything for her to be with me right now. I just want to hold her and tell her that I love her. I hope she knows that I love her. I hope she felt it while she was in me.
I don\'t know how to move forward from this. And part of me doesn\'t even want to because each step forward is a step further from her. But I think it must be possible to move forward because so many families have done this before us, and the stories from the women on this site are full of hope that there is healing along the way. As Jess said, we\'re all here for each other and we understand your pain.
Corrine
I am so sorry for your loss. How you are feeling is completely normal. None of us deserve to be here but we are. If you need to cry, yell, scream do it. It\'s better to let the emotion out than to stuff it.
Thank you for being strong enough to jump online.
My heart aches with and for you!!!
Hugs!
Nneka
I am so sorry about all you are going through. I don\'t believe it will ever make sense to you in this earthly life that your precious James went to Heaven. How can it?!? \"Why do babies die?\" is the first question I will ask God when I get to Heaven...after I hug Matthew, that is. I am praying for you!! So sorry you are living with a shattered heart right now. Somehow God will get you through!