So Lost

I am not doing good tonight at all.  My whole body is tense and I feel like I might throw up.  I want to cry but am trying not to because I get too upset.   I have no appetite and everything I eat goes right through me.  This means I am afraid to leave the house.  Why did this happen?  My son was fine, I keep thinking how I should have scheduled a c-section and he would have been OK.  He passed on the last day of my pregnancy.  I don't know what to do.  I have this terrible felling like my whole life is lost.  Mommy and Daddy love you James.