So it's Mother's Day and I am angry

It has been eight years.  Eight years of Mother's Day's that become all about the fact the he died on this day and that I was well and truly a single parent.  Eight years of trying to do the right thing.  Eight years of tantrums and bickering and demands from children that still don't understand what the hell happened.  Eight years of therapy and groups to try and make it all right.
What a crock.  It will never be right as there is no right.  It will never be normal as there is nothing normal about this.  It just is.  Life as it happened to us and we move forward.
But today I am angry.  Just blazing unreasonable angry.  Can't get out of my own way and don't care that my kids want to show me they love me today.  Most days it is just me getting in their way with rules and chores.  Them complaining.  I don't care if that's what kids do I have reached my tolerance and limit.  I don't care that they went through a lot so did I.  I don't care today is my only theme.  I am angry and I can't give you a reasonable explanation because I don't have one.
I would love to exercise this away but I have developed inflammatory arthritis in the last year and that is not an option for me anymore.  That makes me angry too.  Oh how I dislike this anger.  I want to choose something else.  I have tried to choose something else.  It won't go away.  So I am going to feel it today and I am going to allow it and then it will go away.  I'm not ready to not be angry.