So here's a kick in the guts...

I must have known that it wasn't going to be a good day when I wrote my earlier entry..being superstitious and all...I have just been informed that I have cancer.
Yup thats right, the big fat C word.
Melanoma to be more precise.
Talk about a spanner in the works. 
All I can say is thank God for my husband. He is a doctor and when I asked him about a mole on my back that had started itching, he insisted I get it looked at...when the specialist said it wasn't anything to be concerned about, my husband insisted that it need to be removed. Wow thank God he did...7 days after I had it taken out, the specimen came back as Melanoma. So, I have to go in on Friday for some scans and more surgery. With any luck ,it hasn't spread to my nodes...because if it has then I have a 35% chance of survival over the next 5 years.
If it hasn't (which the surgeon is pretty convinced it hasn't!) then I have an 87.5% chance of survival over the next 10 years.
So yeah, there you have it. I am a statistics person, and I really wish thery were better odds. Call me selfish but I would like longer than 5 or 10 years.
The big dilemma is whether or not to go ahead with the transfer...and I say fuck it. Yes, lets do this. Because, it isn't going to change Friday's outcome. Ifi t is really bad news, then we will deal with that when or if it happens. Realistically, we have a 40% chance of getting pregnant from this round and so  we may as well play a hand because who knows when we will get another shot. 
My fert doc is happy to proceed though he has warned us about additional stress (emotional) not helping our chances..but I kinda feel like, now the focus is off the transfer and on well...fucking cancer. So yeah, it may be a blessing in disguise...does that make sense?
Totally doesn't and I am an emotional wreck right now. But hey. At least I have got it off my chest.

Replies

blbnjf
blbnjf

I am so shocked to read this! I can\'t imagine what you are going through right now, but I am am sending a ton of positive energy your way. I hope you hear the best possible outcome on your next trip to the dr. Wishing you the best always!
Mrs2014
Mrs2014

Thanks. Still in shock myself. Just got to take it one step at a time. At least it puts things in perspective...here\'s me whinging about the size of my ass when I should have been whinging about the size of a cancerous tumour in my back!
heatherttc
heatherttc

Wow, I don\'t even know what to say. I hope that you will find that it has not spread. I have a friend that beat melanoma, and know another that is still fighting. I am wishing for the best for you. Keep us posted.