so hard

it's been such a long rough year. battling the lyme and relapsing like crazy has not been fun. Having it get in the way of my work and social life isn't something I want to happen and I swore it wouldn't but it has. 
This summer work was not only difficult with all the crap I was given and being the one the boss always found something wrong with when I work my ass off and no one else does but the sexual harassment by my fellow co-workers. Every day with these two guys at the same time getting sexually harassed verbally and physically. Hardest part was that they told me I should take all this as a complement. yeah no. also they both have gfs and one has a kid. This happened just about every day I had to work with them.
Things were starting to get better with getting over that until I started dating this guy.... the harassment started again by him while he was trying to push me to do things I didn't want to do after telling me he wasn't going to force me because he supposedly understood my fears and things I needed to get over, even someone simply touching my arm I would freak out after everything I had gone through through the years with guys. but no. he kept pushing me further and further and one night I had to literally fight him with all I had, I was afraid I was going to get raped by him and it scared me so much I'm not sure if it was a panic attack or asthma attack all I know is I couldn't breath, the second hand smoking wasn't helping my breathing problems. so not too late after that night I broke up with him because I couldn't stand this anymore and I was depressed as can be and still am. I don't know if I can ever trust again. already had trust issues and now they just got SO much worse