So fucking Angry

So I saw Nick today..Gave him the letter..fell apart.He blackmailed me and said he tells my parents if I dont let myself get refered to Megan, a drugs and alcohol lady. So on wednesday I have to go see this fucking lady when I knew going to see Nick was a bad idea. I am a zero on the scale of living. I have been in bed since I came home. Can't think can't breathe. When my phone rang I jumped out of my skin. I was gunna ignore it but it was her so I answered and ugh. Now I have to start all over again. I hate everything. I hate myself the most for being so fucking stupid and seeing Nick today.