So frustrated with that bloody hospital!
Sigh...So come April 6th I'll be cutting my second day down from Day Patients. Which will be a Tuesday now. I was going to be starting an Art course for the Wednesday that I have off at the moment but I went to enrol and they were booked up. So I've now found another course on the Tuesday and enrolled in that.I'm not really feeling anything about it other than...dispondance? Is that the right word? I'm not worried or anxious about it, despite me not liking being around anyone at the moment I'm just thinking well I'll be the weird loner kid that does art. Not much different from when I was at school really.I think I'm doing this to prove a point. The hospital are making such an issue about my spiral downwards, (mood, isolation, weight, self harm ect) and they are saying it's because I'm finding my 'attachment to the hospital' hard to deal with as I have a discharge date. I've pointed out several times now that my weight and mood was both getting really bad BEFORE my discharge date. It was that which provoked them to set me a discharge date, because things wern't working. Now they are using that against me and saying it's the reason I've got worse. I can't fucking win!! They just wont listen to me now so I'm just like fuck you I'm just going to get on with it. I will take the art course, I will start going out, I will start doing more leisure activities (since starting the anorexic behaviours up again my depression is easier to manage and i'm more active - I know it's anorexic lead energy but who gives a shit if it allows me to do these things). So whilst I'm 'going out and getting my life back' i'll be losing weight. Exactly as I am now. It makes me SO ANGRY!!! Can ANYONE see their logic? I've lost weight since I started day patients. I was doing day patients for about 5 months, losing weight, mood dropping, ended up suicidal at time. THEN they say things arn't working after 5 months of things getting worse and give me the discharge date. Things continue to spiral down...does anyone else see my downward spiral as my reaction to being given a discharge date!!!??? I mean, I know my thinking can be screwed at times but bloody hell! ANYONE else get this!?!?x-Bliss-x
Replies
I dont see why it matters????? it truly seems like you are looking for someone or something to blame... the point is you are not getting better... maybe they dont know why themselves?
seems like they are all trying to help but you are not responding... I think you need to take a look at you....
good luck...
Yeah, that\'s really helpful. I\'m sorry I didn\'t realise that I was the problem...I\'ve suddenly seen the light now... thanks.
sorry didnt mean to upset you. I was giving my honest response to the journal you asked ppl to read...
I wish you well and truly hope you can get the help you need...
I am sorry that you are still struggling with this. By having a discharge date and still ayyending out patients you are having the opportunity to make \"a life\" outside of ED, and with continued support. Yes its daunting that once again you are going to be responsible for your actions and may feel abandoned but the reality is that you will psychologically benefit, you have done the re-feeding, you have learned new coping skills and now this is the chance to put those into practice. Of course you are also going to resort to restriction and weight loss practices as thats what your brain remembers as an old coping tool and losing weight and maintaining at the lower end of your weight for height is always going to be an option. Give yourself a break, enrol on classes, try and keep your intakes regular and within time you will be less ED focussed. Enjoy the challenges still in the safety net and talk to the unit about home services once discharged. Write some positive affirmations on card and keep them with you, you can do this! Fane xxxxx