So frustrated with that bloody hospital!
Sigh...So come April 6th I'll be cutting my second day down from Day Patients. Which will be a Tuesday now. I was going to be starting an Art course for the Wednesday that I have off at the moment but I went to enrol and they were booked up. So I've now found another course on the Tuesday and enrolled in that.I'm not really feeling anything about it other than...dispondance? Is that the right word? I'm not worried or anxious about it, despite me not liking being around anyone at the moment I'm just thinking well I'll be the weird loner kid that does art. Not much different from when I was at school really.I think I'm doing this to prove a point. The hospital are making such an issue about my spiral downwards, (mood, isolation, weight, self harm ect) and they are saying it's because I'm finding my 'attachment to the hospital' hard to deal with as I have a discharge date. I've pointed out several times now that my weight and mood was both getting really bad BEFORE my discharge date. It was that which provoked them to set me a discharge date, because things wern't working. Now they are using that against me and saying it's the reason I've got worse. I can't fucking win!! They just wont listen to me now so I'm just like fuck you I'm just going to get on with it. I will take the art course, I will start going out, I will start doing more leisure activities (since starting the anorexic behaviours up again my depression is easier to manage and i'm more active - I know it's anorexic lead energy but who gives a shit if it allows me to do these things). So whilst I'm 'going out and getting my life back' i'll be losing weight. Exactly as I am now. It makes me SO ANGRY!!! Can ANYONE see their logic? I've lost weight since I started day patients. I was doing day patients for about 5 months, losing weight, mood dropping, ended up suicidal at time. THEN they say things arn't working after 5 months of things getting worse and give me the discharge date. Things continue to spiral down...does anyone else see my downward spiral as my reaction to being given a discharge date!!!??? I mean, I know my thinking can be screwed at times but bloody hell! ANYONE else get this!?!?x-Bliss-x
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