so frustrated and discouraged

I guess if i am honest with myself for some reason i just dont want to leave this guy, i am pathetic, there has been so much loss in our lifes in the last few years it just kills me to think of divorce, losing my house and having to try to find somewhere to live.  And now the busy music schedule starts, it sucks back to the shows and the drama, the traveling while keeping up a normal work schedule, being treated shitty by other bands sometimes.  I found that he was looking at intimate type facebook pics of one of his facebook friends the other night while i was teaching a cpr class to a special needs kid for his job...wtf where is the balance here....i do good so he can do evil f him.  I left the pic up on his computer for him when he came home from work and he never said a word.....asshole i spent the whole day drinking after i found this and trying to calm my ne.ves, drank last night too.  usually dont have time for that because I work too much but I just dont know anymore