So far so good 12/24/2013
Perhaps a Christmas miracle but as of right now I'm not feeling too bad :) My chronic pain seems to be, for the most part, under control. Mentally I have a small feeling of peace. Of course there is that little voice in my head saying this is only a temporary goodness but somehow I feel like God may be giving me another chance at life.
I suppose only time will tell. If I can take my small win now and build upon it maybe things can get better. I truly want to stay positive. What if the pain returns? What if my currrenly peaceful mind goes away? That is the little jerk in my head trying to put me back in the pit. Well not this time.
I have people that need my help. When I get back home I'm going to join the church. They need volunteers for many activities. I pray that I am helping others on this site. We all understand "the pit". We are the unlucky (or maybe lucky?) individuals that have seen the inside of Hell itself.
There is a saying that you have to travel through Hell to get to Heaven. Perhaps our travels through Hell here and now will allow us to pass straight to Heaven when our day comes. I grew up poor and have spent most of my life trying to never be poor again but this may be part of the underlying depression that I suffer.
Anyone could lose it all in the blink of an eye. But who cares? If you give love you will get love and you are never truly poor if you can love others and love yourself. I have always had trust issues. I have seen so called friends and family do terrible things. But does that mean I can trust no one? My father was able to forgive so many people and he died in such peace. When my father died there were over 50 monarch butterflies on his car and flying around his room. The priest and his assistant could not believe it. They called it a miracle and they are right.
My father live through multiple layers of Hell when he was alive and yet he still loved life. I pray that his spirit live through me and I can achieve what he was able to achieve.
Today at this moment I feel like I'm waking up from a very long night with a slight hangover. My negative mind is still trying to pull me down but my thoughts of moving forward are helping me to stay at peace.
Please God grant me continued peace and I will learn to give and receive love without judgement or fear or mistrust. God grant me continued peace and I will learn to love myself even when the negative thoughts try to drown me and the chronic pain trys to paralyze me.
I need to help someone everyday. Be it at work or on this site or as a volunteer. I can't let the chronic pain stop me. If it returns, as it may, I have to be brave and push forward. Perhaps today God has pushed the reset button for me. The miracle of Christmas...I believe.
MERRY CHRISTMAS MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
I suppose only time will tell. If I can take my small win now and build upon it maybe things can get better. I truly want to stay positive. What if the pain returns? What if my currrenly peaceful mind goes away? That is the little jerk in my head trying to put me back in the pit. Well not this time.
I have people that need my help. When I get back home I'm going to join the church. They need volunteers for many activities. I pray that I am helping others on this site. We all understand "the pit". We are the unlucky (or maybe lucky?) individuals that have seen the inside of Hell itself.
There is a saying that you have to travel through Hell to get to Heaven. Perhaps our travels through Hell here and now will allow us to pass straight to Heaven when our day comes. I grew up poor and have spent most of my life trying to never be poor again but this may be part of the underlying depression that I suffer.
Anyone could lose it all in the blink of an eye. But who cares? If you give love you will get love and you are never truly poor if you can love others and love yourself. I have always had trust issues. I have seen so called friends and family do terrible things. But does that mean I can trust no one? My father was able to forgive so many people and he died in such peace. When my father died there were over 50 monarch butterflies on his car and flying around his room. The priest and his assistant could not believe it. They called it a miracle and they are right.
My father live through multiple layers of Hell when he was alive and yet he still loved life. I pray that his spirit live through me and I can achieve what he was able to achieve.
Today at this moment I feel like I'm waking up from a very long night with a slight hangover. My negative mind is still trying to pull me down but my thoughts of moving forward are helping me to stay at peace.
Please God grant me continued peace and I will learn to give and receive love without judgement or fear or mistrust. God grant me continued peace and I will learn to love myself even when the negative thoughts try to drown me and the chronic pain trys to paralyze me.
I need to help someone everyday. Be it at work or on this site or as a volunteer. I can't let the chronic pain stop me. If it returns, as it may, I have to be brave and push forward. Perhaps today God has pushed the reset button for me. The miracle of Christmas...I believe.
MERRY CHRISTMAS MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
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