So empty
On the 2nd of May it was seven months since my son left us through suicide and in some ways it seems like a long time ago but in others it seems like yesterday. There are still times I have a hard time believing that it really happened. Today as been one of those days when it feels like I have a big hole in my heart and nothing to fill it in. I have a wonderful wife and daughter and grandkids and daughter-in-law and friends but the emptiness, at times is so bad. Most days are not too bad but today has been a real hard one. I just hope as time goes on that hole will be a little smaller and I can forgive him and be happy with what I have not with what I don't have.
Replies
I have/had a lot of days as you just described and I too, was mad at my daughter: How could she leave me and especially how could she leave her 5-year old son without even saying goodbye. But as time went on and I researched the subject of suicide I found out that the choice that our daughter/son had made was because of an undiagnosed mental disorder or a chemical imbalance in their brain which gave them such inner pain and turmoil. A permanent solution to a temporay problem, only they were not of sound mind when they completed the act. This is only my belief but it has helped me to forgive her and wish her peace. But it does not fill the void that has been left in my heart. May you some day find a peace of your own. Truly your friend, BarbaraWawa
I agree with Barbara...our children had something wrong ....undiagnosed...not seen. It is not a cancer...it is not a broken arm....it is something that is mostly misunderstood. I have been on a journey these past 13 months to try to understand what I can about suicide. The one thing I can say at this point is I have not been mad at Brandon. It may be that it will come later. Who knows. There are so many facets of this pain. It is not an \"ordinary grief\"...it has no real answers for us who have been left behind by someone who has
\"chosen\" to die. I hope you begin to have more good days than bad. It happens to work that way. I have been so very sad at times today but my tears are now ebbing more than flowing these days. I think your last statement is the conclusion we must have some day....God be with you....love and peace...dale, brandon\'s mom
Sorry dad! I am sure that my petty little problem didn\'t help. I love you!!