So easy to panic
Yesterday I had my 20 wk ultrasound. They measured everything. The Tech and I are becoming quite the friends from my frequent visits. Seeing the girls gets more joyful everytime. Then I saw the nurse practioner since my Dr was out. I bopped in there happy and hungery. The np said the girls look great everything looks fantastic.....except Baby A is measuring below the 10th percentile in growth. She had already consulted one of the Dr in office and I was being sent to the MFM office upstairs as soon as they could work me in.
Deflated but ok I left and gave DH a call. He immediately went into brooding. I said don't worry I am sure it will be fine. I got home and started to think about all the things I thought I had so much time to do. What if I end up on bed rest? Have I done enough that DH will have even a chance of handling what is left? That would be a big no. What if baby A is really in trouble? Is there something I should have done? Maybe I am not laying on my left side enough, maybe my food aversion is depriving her. I did not sleep at all.
I went this afternoon to the MFM by myself because Dh and Mom were unavailable. I had terrified myself, steeling myself for the news. Whatever that news was I was sure it would be not great. I prayed before I went back. Sat with that Tech for over an hour, while she measured them within an inch of their lives. They were there on the screen looking beautiful as ever, dancing unaware of my panic. Finally the Dr came in and went over everything with me. My babies are fine. Baby A and B show no defects and are measuring right on schedule; said that is why they get the second ultrasound to clear up discrepencies.
Relief and embarassment washed over me. Why did I let panic take such hold and why haven't I prepared for things that might actually happen. I know why, all of on here know why. But not preparing is not like me. I decided that I am going to be more proactive. I will get us registered for our birthing class, breastfeeding class and get the registries started. I can do this for our girls and for us. No more pretending that we are in a normal pregnancy just like everyone else. We have 2 babies coming and we may see some adversity. We are not everyone else, unaware of how precious this all is.
Rant over. Joy remains ready to fight a new day. To all of you out there I send my thoughts and prayers wherever you are in your fight.
Deflated but ok I left and gave DH a call. He immediately went into brooding. I said don't worry I am sure it will be fine. I got home and started to think about all the things I thought I had so much time to do. What if I end up on bed rest? Have I done enough that DH will have even a chance of handling what is left? That would be a big no. What if baby A is really in trouble? Is there something I should have done? Maybe I am not laying on my left side enough, maybe my food aversion is depriving her. I did not sleep at all.
I went this afternoon to the MFM by myself because Dh and Mom were unavailable. I had terrified myself, steeling myself for the news. Whatever that news was I was sure it would be not great. I prayed before I went back. Sat with that Tech for over an hour, while she measured them within an inch of their lives. They were there on the screen looking beautiful as ever, dancing unaware of my panic. Finally the Dr came in and went over everything with me. My babies are fine. Baby A and B show no defects and are measuring right on schedule; said that is why they get the second ultrasound to clear up discrepencies.
Relief and embarassment washed over me. Why did I let panic take such hold and why haven't I prepared for things that might actually happen. I know why, all of on here know why. But not preparing is not like me. I decided that I am going to be more proactive. I will get us registered for our birthing class, breastfeeding class and get the registries started. I can do this for our girls and for us. No more pretending that we are in a normal pregnancy just like everyone else. We have 2 babies coming and we may see some adversity. We are not everyone else, unaware of how precious this all is.
Rant over. Joy remains ready to fight a new day. To all of you out there I send my thoughts and prayers wherever you are in your fight.
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