So close, yet so far
I actually thought we had a breakthrough, me and the ol' stbx. When I dropped off my daughter tonight, she asked if I wanted to talk. I didn't really, but was feeling pretty good, so I agreed to talk. She told me she was going to fire her lawyer, that she didn't want to spend the money. She said she would agree to anything I want, that she doesn't want to stress or fight. (Of course we've had this same discussion several times before, they never end well). So she told me that she would rather move out into a rented apt or condo, and that when she moves out I can move back in the house, to put it up for sale. She agreed to sell the house. She agreed to the 50/50 custody arrangement with the children. She agreed to splitting the bank accounts. She wanted a few of the household things that I wanted, but no biggie, definately not a deal breaker. The only thing she would not agree to is splitting the marital debt. Which we don't have any of, except for my car. We recently paid off her car through a house refi so she would have no payments. I maintain that when we sell the house we should then pay off my car, so we will be on equal footing. With paying alimony, if I have to assume the entire car cost, it will put me at a huge disadvantage in quality of living. I do not wish to take advantage of my children's mother, I want her to have a decent life, and be able to be happy, and help the kids be happy. But I feel like she is again trying to take advantage of me, this time to the tune of the $10K debt. Am I off base here? Or am I right in my thinking?
Replies
I think she should forego the alimony in exchange for paying off your car. You had the decency to pay off hers so she should not have her cake and eat it too. Steve you have to live as well. I say kudos to you on this one! Hugs to you. I am proud of you.
I see what you are saying,but I honestly would ask a lawywer.By the way,there is never a 50/50 custody agreement.The kids go to school and unless you live in the same close area,that would require going to two school.Also,there are holidays,etc.and it has to be decided who has them for each one.I am not trying to upset you hon,I have just been through these messes myself.My ex bought a truck 2 months before we split,without me involved,it was owed 12 thousand...I was expected to pay 6 of it.Please at least ask legal advice on this.I think with the right lawyer,you could do very well.
I am in agreement with you paying off the car with the sell of the house and then splitting any profit. I would do this but she may not. You can in a court of law have it go to trial and she will have to take part of the debt if it was encountered during the marriage so you will win one way or the other. I was one of those women that did not want to destitute my ex, but many people are vindictive. I pray for a peaceful solution to the division and send hugs of strength and peace this morning.. Kimmee
I know for a fact to get it all in writing and signed. As for what it is fair it sounds fair to me that you both get off to the same start and your car get paid for.That is my view. A judge might say sale the car and get something more affordable. I do not know rhe laws of your state for each one is so different.Best advice is seek your attorneys thoughts and advice...after all that is what you pay him for.Plus no matter how hard we try to keep our emotions out of it...they are there.But I do believe whenever two parties can come to their own agreement it is better for them in the end.
In my case because my ex was the one that accumulated the family debt, without my consent, he was responsible for paying all except $10,000 back. The car that he leased (again, I didn\'t know it was a lease) for me JUST before I kicked him out I am responsible for paying and it is $440/month. It is killing me, but that\'s what the judge decided. We didn\'t sell the house, I got it, but I am paying the mortgage payment, which he just refinanced at a higher amount to cover the expense of a new roof and furnace. I suppose in the end it equals out as he does pay alimony, but he makes more than twice as much as me.
Steve,Paying off your car after selling the house is totally fair. Just make sure you get everything in writing,signed by both, dated and noterized.That way any agreements between you are then considered legal docs. People have a way of having amnesia when it suites them.I have to ask what is 50/50 custody? Do you mean joint custody? I take it that your kids are going to live with her.Joint custody is usally you get your kids every other weekend and one day during the week. Holiday\'s and vacation vary depending on what the parties agree.50/50 I\'m thinking you get your kids 6 months and she gets them 6 months? What ever you do. Make sure you sit down with your lawyer. If she fires her lawyer. That\'s not your problem. Keep yourself protected. I hope she is honest and will stay to her word for your sake. But one never knows. I\'ve seen alot of divorces turn down right nasty.Take care and good luck. If you need me I\'m here. God bless Gina
It seems fair that together you paid off her car and before you split profits off the house you pay off your car. If this is something new for her to just do a turnaround then you should be careful it may be just a fleeting decision on her part and she will change her mind. i agree you should get legal assistance and get everything in writting. A marriage is a partnership so a divorce should be as equal as possible to split that partnership between the two partners.