so called friends

i just relized i lost two friends when i went to hung out with one last night kinda and well it wasnt the same my doing for freaking out on his wife abit before we got married why the f i know im in the right she treats me like shit so why am i loosing its hard to put it away because he was a great friend to have but now i gues ill only have to call on him when i need somthing , i got no friends i can talk to any more about privit things with me . i gues the ones i do have and had for long time i have a wall cuz i just feel its only amatter of time before there gone . perfect time to endulge in my self i think and get a new image of the person i wanna look like before making any new friends if i ever can , i let some go long time ago that kinda haunt me we were so close but with the end resault dont want that again,
im debating on letting my bf well fience go apart of me feels we both may be better off but i dunno ill have to let my wedding ideas go lol i love my wedding ideas but ill say them out loud and maybe somone else can have a wedding of her dreams too
ive had thought before and its back so maybe its supposed to be ,
yikes