So Broken

I found you because there was recovering opioid user that I shared an uber with.  He said there were support groups for Broken Hearts.  I can't sleep because my face hurts so much.  I fell on my face and broke my front teeth, so swollen, I keep bleeding, it's getting slower.  But my heart hurts so much more.  I felt like bargaining but it's no use.  I could offer my whole face fractured in exchange for a new heart but I wouldn't get it.  

When will I stop crying?  I thought if there's physical pain that I won't feel the heart pain but my heart pain is so big that now I can't feel anything but its despair.  I'll do anything.  I can even be patient. Do I have to be? 

None of the books I have will distract me enough.  I will always love him.  But I want to stop yearning for what I can't have.  I've hurt for years and years.  And years, and years.  It's a miracle that I'm still standing.  That my heart keeps beating.  I'm like the walking dead.  I must be hurting so bad...I can't stop crying.  Patience.  I wish there was an ICU for broken hearts. All procedures STAT.  Will I recover?  What lifestyle changes do I need to make so I don't have a relapse?  Am I ready?  I'm going through withdrawal.  Without Ativan - so I remember how brutal each step is.  So I will never do it again.  I still love him.  I may never stop.  I have to.  

I've been gardening, there's a death before life or winter before spring. I think I have to die again beofre I can have a new life.  I must be dumbest smart person I know.  I keep loving him.