Sniffles and snow

I'm feeling slightly less like killing anyone today. I'm still horribly sick. But not so horribly depressed. My toes are going to fall off. It's barely getting above freezing today, and it's snowing! I want to go out in the snow, but I'm not allowed. Sick sucks. Good news is I look like a complete dork wearing a neon orange hat in the house.. Holidays are coming closer and closer. My family is still out of town, but they'll probably show up right in time for the food. I hate how American holidays, and for that matter social events, revolve around food. "We should catch up, let's have coffee." or maybe "I'm having a get together, plenty of food to go around." and then there are holidays "Let's get together again and catch up, don't forget to bring so and such dish." Maybe when I grow up-food won't mean anything to me. I will be able to eat ham and turkey and meatloaf and vegetables and pie and not worry have I eaten too much or if I have to go throw up when it's done and how will I get away with it!? Holidays are supposed to be about cheer, not about what's on my plate. I'm the first in my family with an eating disorder. There's one confirmed since me and she was the topic at a Thanksgiving dinner. And now I have a young cousin that I see it happening in. The sad thing is no one listens to anything I say. It's not like I've lived every moment they're going though. No, not ever..
I miss Jeremy like my life depends on it. December is almost over and I haven't heard anything from him. As time goes on it gets easier and harder. I'll never get over this boy. Seven years should be plenty to pine away, but no. Fate isn't that kind to me in any way. I don't know what I'll do if I don't hear from him before January is over. That's the deadline he's given me. I may just have to travel to Memphis and knock on every car shop door to see if he works there. I'd go through hell and back for this boy. And then some.