Snapshots
Today was a tremendously representative snapshot into my life, for two reasons.
Last night I had a great night out with my friends. I got two very nice pieces of news and even without them it would have been a nice night. I was doing karaoke at a place where my friend Doug was the DJ and talking to a lot of good friends who were there. Doug broke protocol by asking me to sing a few extra songs and later told me that one of our best area bands was there, just to listen to me sing. They are losing their lead singer and had heard about me. That was pretty cool. I used to sing in bands and I have missed it. Then later last night I talked to a guy opening a lab in our area and he wanted my resume. He's pretty sure they could hire me as a chemist. That, of course is incredible news. I decided not to get my hopes up about either issue, but of course I would mention it to people I thought would be happy for me.
So today my entire family was at my parents for Sunday dinner. I worked the news about a band's interest in me into the conversation, which turned out to be a big mistake. I'm not sure what I was hoping for. I guess maybe a "Hey, that's great!" But what I got was "who was the DJ last night? I watched the basketball game, did you see it? These potatoes are awesome!" They completely changed the subject. So I continued, "yeah, so this band might want me to be their lead singer." No one so much as acknowledged that this was a good thing. I didn't even get a "have fun last night?". So I decided I would not even share my second piece of news with them, the more exciting piece.
The more I thought about their lack of interest, the madder I got until just sat there all day without talking to anyone, and without being approached by anyone.
Today was a great barometer, a snapshot of what my life is like, why I am so depressed, why I feel no sense of hope for the future. But also, it shows me just how far I've come. My family has never given me any form of encouragement. I've accomplished so much in my life, and so much more than anyone else in my family, and with no acknowledgment from them what so ever. All my life I have not let that bother me. When I was in grade school I told my mom I was going to be a scientist when I grew up. Her response was, "Ha! Good luck with that!" Yet despite that I did become a scientist and won a few awards for my work. I've been published many times and labs all over the world use test methods that I developed, despite lack of support or praise. But now is different. Now I am too old, and too tired. They've finally won because there just so much anyone can endure. I am spent!
Last night I had a great night out with my friends. I got two very nice pieces of news and even without them it would have been a nice night. I was doing karaoke at a place where my friend Doug was the DJ and talking to a lot of good friends who were there. Doug broke protocol by asking me to sing a few extra songs and later told me that one of our best area bands was there, just to listen to me sing. They are losing their lead singer and had heard about me. That was pretty cool. I used to sing in bands and I have missed it. Then later last night I talked to a guy opening a lab in our area and he wanted my resume. He's pretty sure they could hire me as a chemist. That, of course is incredible news. I decided not to get my hopes up about either issue, but of course I would mention it to people I thought would be happy for me.
So today my entire family was at my parents for Sunday dinner. I worked the news about a band's interest in me into the conversation, which turned out to be a big mistake. I'm not sure what I was hoping for. I guess maybe a "Hey, that's great!" But what I got was "who was the DJ last night? I watched the basketball game, did you see it? These potatoes are awesome!" They completely changed the subject. So I continued, "yeah, so this band might want me to be their lead singer." No one so much as acknowledged that this was a good thing. I didn't even get a "have fun last night?". So I decided I would not even share my second piece of news with them, the more exciting piece.
The more I thought about their lack of interest, the madder I got until just sat there all day without talking to anyone, and without being approached by anyone.
Today was a great barometer, a snapshot of what my life is like, why I am so depressed, why I feel no sense of hope for the future. But also, it shows me just how far I've come. My family has never given me any form of encouragement. I've accomplished so much in my life, and so much more than anyone else in my family, and with no acknowledgment from them what so ever. All my life I have not let that bother me. When I was in grade school I told my mom I was going to be a scientist when I grew up. Her response was, "Ha! Good luck with that!" Yet despite that I did become a scientist and won a few awards for my work. I've been published many times and labs all over the world use test methods that I developed, despite lack of support or praise. But now is different. Now I am too old, and too tired. They've finally won because there just so much anyone can endure. I am spent!
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