Smoking

Living healthy is very hard for me and I dont now why. With drinking comes my other demon smoking and I have to admit to it in order to change my ways. My heart is bad from my heart attack and number 1 is not to smoke. one side of my Brain says this is what you have to do to live a healthy lifestyle and the other side of my brain says well hell how the hell are you going to have fun without cigarettes and drinking.  I really want to be healthy I love seeing people run, walk and riding their bikes. Healthy living people have such a wonderful glow about them.  When you put 2 people together 1 that drinks to much, smokes and eats like crap and the other active eating good etc. you be stupid to want to look like the 1st person.  It all makes such perfect sense but I don't get why I'm so afraid to be truly happy and healthy.  No urge to drink today but did my other 2 bad habits today so kind of beating myself up.