Small victories are still victories

I am having severe anxiety but I am working through it as best as I can. I have jury duty tomorrow and it is taking EVERYTHING in me to NOT cancel it. I know i have to do it, I know I am capable of doing it but... OOF. I woke up so nauseous, i'm beyond dizzy. I keep over thinking and playing it over in my mind what may happen. I am prepared with stuff to keep me occupied, making sure i don't bring anything they may take, preparing for anything they may ask, guessing what the place looks like, hoping i go through the right door... It is endless. 

So many people just tell me to stop being anxious. Just stop thinking about it... If it were that simple i would. I do tell myself it will be ok, that i am capable. I tell myself to focus on other things, i ground myself, i do deep breathing... I am working on my next kids book and trying to distract myself but the truth is: I am freaking out and i hate it. I hate that I cannot control it. I hate that i cannot just blink it away and breath it out. I hate that it has such a control over me. It isn't new, I have literally had this snce i was a kid. I had high blood pressure at 6 going to the doctor because i didn't know what to expect and i was scared.... I... I wish i wasn't this way... and i try so hard but... how can i just "Get over it?" 

Not canceling and getting up and functioning despite my anxiety attack this morning is my small win...