Small Stuff
Yesterday stbx would call me at work having more issues. I did what I needed to and left work a little early. Before I left I did share with a coworker what was going on now. She knew I was upset (not knowing if we would wind up in the ER, or the fact that)It meant more work for me as soon as I was home. Plus I was all booked up for my day off today between Dr appts for him and time to kill in between. I did share with her that the way things have been going lately, I really don't care if I see another day. Can't handle much more of this. We did agree this is no way to live and it is time I do what I need to do. (Can no longer be controlled by guilt or fear of what others may think--- this is long overdue)
He had a rough time as I helped him to get ready, plus being away the whole day-- At one point I did mention maybe it is time to look toward assisted living. I am planning on discussing that with his sister and visiting nurse to get their input and maybe steer him in that direction. I am also contacting the attorney and handing over the retainer to get him started again. A friend did offer to help me with the heavy cleaning and sorting of all of my stuff and I am planning on taking her up on it. Will go better with 2 of us. (especially with me being a procrastinator)
So we did both survive the day and I have small stuff that did brighten my day. First I did make a stop to A C Moore and pick up some supplies to make a gift for a friend and her new coffee bar. (I do love to do crafts)
Also, while waiting for him at the eye specialist, I was almost dozing off as it took forever. A woman parked her mother (well in her 80s) across from me in her wheelchair. I smiled and she did back , then said.. sorry but I can't see you so good. I told her not to worry that he was coming out soon and he would be the same way. When they went passed me, the mother did pass me a small little pull out. I opened it and smiled and did thank her and wish them a good day. On a pretty little card it did say You make the world a happier place. I could feel myself tear up . In such a rough patch for so much of the time lately-- but a random act of kindness did brighten my spirits and my day.
Replies
I’m glad you have a friend who is going to help you with sorting your stuff. It’s always easier when you have help.
Sometimes the small things are what we need to make our day a little brighter. I’m happy you had a couple happy moments in your day. Keep smiling!
Hugs,
Kim
that is great that you got the little card.....and someone to help in sorting is just what I do not have....but I wrote Becky and Email asking her for help and willing to pay her $20hr in debt relief from the electric bill I paid for her....it is down now to about ten hours work....
The good thing about having someone help is it will keep you motivated and stay present, and also will just give you the support you need.
I think starting to discuss what’s going on in your life with people in your life, outside of your online friends is really a big step. Not dismissing online friends or support. It’s great and why we are all here. But saying things out loud in person sort of takes it out of your head and gives it life. It’s out there now. Not just to his sister but to other people who have no skin in the game and therefore, maybe more equipped to help keep you moving.
Sweet you got that card. It’s a reminder how the smallest gesture we make may really help someone at that moment.
rmb you are right .I actually have been discussing it with a few friends/coworkers and did mention it again to family. The thing is I have been talking about this forever, but everyone just takes me with a grain of salt anymore. Over Xmas I did tell my nephew and his family as well as sis and bil that it was time. They all said it is long overdue and they would support me. The thing is I need to actually make the plans to take them up on help I may need. Making an offer and actually planning and scheduling a time to do it is far better.
That is the same with my close friend who has offered to come and help me get things sorted and do a good cleaning. I will definitely get things done if we make the plans. (It has been far too easy for me to put it off til another day. ) She and my boss have been nudging me (and talking til they are blue in the face) to break free of this mess. They are my "virtual headslap" This past week when going through this horrible funk I said to her-- I just don't know what to do anymore. Her response was" I gave you two solutions but you don't listen." I thought about it for a minute and said exactly what they have been thinking and trying to tell me. I had to admit- they were right. (working on both of them. lol)
There is a line from a Rush song that I love. ‘If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.’ Your stbx made some choices quite a while ago that put his health in jeopardy and pulled you down with him. You have no guilt in this!! We can’t get healthy in an unhealthy environment. Give the responsibility for him away. It’s someone else’s turn.
Definitely keep saying this out loud. It’s time to make it all real. Hugs
J.... Thank you. I think I need to keep hearing that til it finally sinks in. I am so thankful for you and many others here in DS. :)
send him to assisted living is super expensive....you do not need to be paying for that...
There is an assisted living where he was in nursing home. He can be responsible with his disability and Medicare. Not my responsibility
Do they have room available? We have a shortage here and people have to apply way in advance.
First things first. Speak to his doctor or nurse or if he has a case worker about assisted living. They will help you figure out what the options are. Whether he is in assisted living or not is a separate issue from staying focused on what YOU want to do with your marriage. Don’t let whether or not assisted living is feasible get in the way.
I agree that you have to initiating things to start taking advantage of their offers to help. It has to start with you, asking for what you need and making it happen. They can’t help you otherwise. You are not alone and you have the support. That is half the battle.
This is indeed another test for me. I have NEVER been able to ask for what I need. Actually, I did make mention some time back to nephews FIL and my BIL to help me with some repairs and suggestions as to what is necessity and what should be left for new buyers. They said just let them know....When I never set it up...I didn't hear anymore.
I think I am.being set up to begin to grab and work for that new life (new start) that's out there for me. Just like getting healthy...no.pain, No gain
just dont drink the coolaid! LOL
Right you didn’t hear any more because they are waiting for you to let them know, haha! I get it can be hard to ask for help. I have a hard time with that too. I have to sometimes get over myself, over my fear, embarrassment or whatever is and just ask. It’s ok.
And I am trying to stay focused on what I NEED to do. I have suggestions for him, but he usually refuses to listen. I have enough to consider with my own future-- DONE worrying about his. Let him ( and his sis) figure it out.
What finallyawakenow said. This has been a festering boil that has needed to be lanced for a long time. I think you are finally seeing the light at the end of tunnel and you are ready to move forward. Keep positive. I think you are almost there!!
Hugs!!!!