Slowly but Surely I will believe it
Good Morning SOTH - I saw my therapist last nite and I was saying some of the same things that I had written in my previous journal - betrayal, ridding of my daughter's things, what kind of a mom am I to not want to keep EVERYTHING? As many of you dear sisters wrote in your responses, those things are not Jennifer! THOSE THINGS ARE NOT MY DAUGHTER. Hmmm - it's taking me awhile to really let that sink in. When I say "those things" mean everything - so much of it are papers, junk if you will but again, it is my daughters "junk". There are sentimental things that I remember when she was a baby, gifts she received from grandparents growing up that I am keeping but I need to remember - MY DAUGHTER IS NOT IN THOSE PAPERS.......still tough, many tears, looking for a sign from Jennifer to reassure her mom.
My therapist kept reminding me that - Jennifer is not in those things! Letting go of those things does not mean I am letting go of my daughter!
One day, one minute, one second this week is progressing. Saturday will be a yard sale- donating a lot of baby things to a close friend who is pregnant and could use those things. :) Slowly, one step at a time, I'll make it...I carry Jennifer with me everywhere because she's in my heart. I feel sometimes her spirit is swirling around me, sometimes it's uplifting me, and sometimes she's there when I cry. My daughter & my mother watching out for me - hand in hand.
Sisters, please continue to hold my hand, my heart on this journey - thank you for getting me through my days! ((hugs)) Vicki
My therapist kept reminding me that - Jennifer is not in those things! Letting go of those things does not mean I am letting go of my daughter!
One day, one minute, one second this week is progressing. Saturday will be a yard sale- donating a lot of baby things to a close friend who is pregnant and could use those things. :) Slowly, one step at a time, I'll make it...I carry Jennifer with me everywhere because she's in my heart. I feel sometimes her spirit is swirling around me, sometimes it's uplifting me, and sometimes she's there when I cry. My daughter & my mother watching out for me - hand in hand.
Sisters, please continue to hold my hand, my heart on this journey - thank you for getting me through my days! ((hugs)) Vicki
Replies
Jennifer does understand, and it is okay to get rid of papers, newspapers and junk that take up the room that are not sentimental to you. Keep all of the items that ARE sentimental to you and remind you of Jen. It takes more time to let go of other things.
When Vinny passed away, my husband was pushing me 2 weeks later to rearrange all of the rooms upstairs, to get rid of some items, to store away other items. I was not ready but started to sort any way. A few days after starting to sort, and to move my office into Vinny\'s room, and my daughter\'s bedroom into the \"Lego Room\" where he died, I freaked out, shut myself in the LEGO room for 2 hours on the bed he died on and just broke down. I told Charlie it was too soon. I waited then 3 more weeks and that time, I could put his favorite clothes and toys in his closet, some others packed in the attics, the lego buckets into my office, and my daughter into the Lego room. But everything that he had touched or loved - even the cancer medications he had, the uneaten bags of unopened cotton candy, the popsicles in the freezer he loved, the candy corn from Halloween all went untouched for months. I have to admit that I just found a bag of unopened (but hardened) store-bought cotton candy we had before he died 15 months ago!! This time, I threw out the cotton candy, but did open the bag and cut out the label that said \"Cotton Candy\" (his favorite thing) as a keepsake. One of his medications is still in the fridge, untouched but when I know in my heart it is time, it will also be thrown away. But no hurry until we are ready.
Same for you. You can just do little bits and pieces at a time. You don\'t have to do it all at once. But you can do it. I am thinking of you. I know how hard it is
Big hug and Love MaryAnn. Sending prayers and lots of strength through this long journey called grief.
I am so proud of you..you are putting one foot in front of the other and I know that I know Jennifer and your Mom are swirling around you. Thank you for hope...Lauri
You are making it one moment at a time. Look at how far you have come on those days you doubt you have moved even a nano inch and know that you have.
I believe that much of the anguish with the belongings of our children is that it\'s the only tangible expression of their earth lives that we have. In time, we begin to see them everywhere and realize that they are just \"things\" and that they are SO much more than that. Yet, to have those items to hold and to cherish for however long is needed is a vital part of the healing path and to be honored as you are doing my friend.
Grateful you could spend time with your therapist and to feel validated for your feelings. Reframing is one of their gifts and is so very healing I have discovered.
Walking with you as you do what you must and know that everything you are feeling is of value and matters because YOU do.
Loving care,
XO Joanie
We will continue to hold your hand & your heart on this difficult journey.
Holding your hand tightly.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
Forever holding you in our hearts~~
Here to listen, encourage, support, and understand.
You will make it!
Love you!
Love to Jennifer!
Do it ON YOUR TERMS, NOT ON THE TERMS SET BY YOUR THERAPIST. If you have to rent a 10 x 10 storage unit for a year, do it. DO NOT DO ANYTHING you are not 100% ready to do. Are those \"things\" your daughter? No. But they are a connection to her, down to the last scrap of paper. Proceed with caution, I think that was bad advice.
Each of us is different. You can hold on to things until you know it is time to let go. I had a friend make a quilt out of Alex\'s favorite t-shirts...when I look at it I can \"see\" him in each of the shirts...and when I need to snuggle...it is right there waiting on me. We are here...know that. Love and hugs...Karen
Thank you sisters for your encouragement, suggestions and comforting words. I will proceed with caution and listen to my heart. ((((hugs))))VickiI
Do it when you are ready NOT when others think you should be. (((HUGS))).... Hugs, Ann
WOW I am behind for sure, the girls rooms are pretty much the same. I have a plan in my head, but it is so slow in coming into the present. Someday. Love you on this journey. xoxoxo
tight hugs... always
MaryLou
Holding your hand helping you get through one paper at a time
hugs Penny