slow

things are going very slow in my life. finding A job. i finally have a part time job that i accepted today. but still waiting on full time. so yeah idk.. it just seems like God isnt listening and im kinda waiting on stuff a lot. or it doesnt happen at all. its lug a freaking slug. :/ like also i feel lonely and want someone but ik timing isnt right and im fine with being single. but i just want my life to be more stable and my brain like i feel like itd help if my life was.im making more friends but i cant trust people. idk.. it suckks a lot. i just want to relax and peace and quiet. there is just so much drama and bad energy. i started hanging out with this group of people.some of them are good a lot are into drugs and im just not that way. ill have a couple beers but i feel like it is tempting to get into the drinking lifestyle and that is bad especially since my family on my dad side has a history of cancer and heart disease, also stroke. but they are into artsy things and so am i. my moms side is where the bipolar and depression comes from. as far as that goes im doing ok. but asking my doctor for lithium might be the best possible choice right now. the Latuda is working but im very on edge and since i have bipolar and anxiety it isn't cutting it for me.idk how this summer will be.living at home in a bad situation :( my dad works but when hes home he is always grumpy and even yells sometimes.  idk. i just wanna have a good summer but i might have to detach myself mentaly from my family and physically as well. working out is good might try yoga too and good support system. but im in financial problems as well. this is crazy. but at least im not taking a summer class nymore might have to put school off even later if i dont get the job i want its just hard. i need my bachelors degree but oh well. i just need to stop spending money ahh