Slipping
No entry yesterday just because i didnt have any time at all so while i have a minute here we go.
So yesterday started off on a good note i was busy all day so i didnt really think about the wrestling or my back yesterday but then i went and grabbed some quick dinner for me and the wife and when i pulled in she asks me if the guys ( wrestling " buddies " ) called me because there supposed to be coming to grab the ring so that they can take it for the next season coming up ( We have stored the wrestling ring at my house for the past two years) And with only that statement i fell and started to fall hard and i still am today, Although im trying to not let it affect me to much but all i have been able to think about all day long is how much i miss just being ME......
It just hurts me so bad to think about how and who i was before my back blew out and then having to look at myself in the mirror EVERYDAY and tell myself that " its ok " that i cant do it anymore and that " its ok " that i cant do anything physical anymore without hurting or possibly reinjuring my back...... I know that i have to do this but i cant cope with being the weak normal person now, Not to say that i was special or anything but damn it i was able to do what most never could have and NOW im the one who cant do anything anymore........
I just dont know about this life anymore. It just seems like everytime i feel like im FINALLY going down hill and it gets easier for me to cope with this then OUT OF NOWHERE a fuckin mac truck crashes into me at 200MPH and the hurt starts all over again. All i can think about is who i have become over the past two years and that i hate myself for even feeling so strongly about something because EVERYTIME i think about it all i can do is cry cry cry and it pisses me off so much to see how far i have fallen because of this.
So yesterday started off on a good note i was busy all day so i didnt really think about the wrestling or my back yesterday but then i went and grabbed some quick dinner for me and the wife and when i pulled in she asks me if the guys ( wrestling " buddies " ) called me because there supposed to be coming to grab the ring so that they can take it for the next season coming up ( We have stored the wrestling ring at my house for the past two years) And with only that statement i fell and started to fall hard and i still am today, Although im trying to not let it affect me to much but all i have been able to think about all day long is how much i miss just being ME......
It just hurts me so bad to think about how and who i was before my back blew out and then having to look at myself in the mirror EVERYDAY and tell myself that " its ok " that i cant do it anymore and that " its ok " that i cant do anything physical anymore without hurting or possibly reinjuring my back...... I know that i have to do this but i cant cope with being the weak normal person now, Not to say that i was special or anything but damn it i was able to do what most never could have and NOW im the one who cant do anything anymore........
I just dont know about this life anymore. It just seems like everytime i feel like im FINALLY going down hill and it gets easier for me to cope with this then OUT OF NOWHERE a fuckin mac truck crashes into me at 200MPH and the hurt starts all over again. All i can think about is who i have become over the past two years and that i hate myself for even feeling so strongly about something because EVERYTIME i think about it all i can do is cry cry cry and it pisses me off so much to see how far i have fallen because of this.
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