slip of the tongue

Thursday; 1041pm uk timei broke the news to one of my colleague who i knew is close to John(the porter who is leaving) and i told her how sad i am because of that and she couldn't understand why and it just so happened so quickly that i talked about the deaths in my family how it might relate to what i'm feeling about these people leaving.and i forgot that no one actually knew about it at work so she was shocked and she asked why am i keeping it to myself  bec apparently everyone at work is concern about my recent mood changes which in a way touched me.i apologized to her about it but still i can't tell her the whole story behind my brother's cause of death.til now i realize the pain is still there and to tell again just making it more painful.i really don't know how to get over it.only time i think can tell.and i am not anymore wishing for it to just go away.i am just going to live day by day.on the other hand,this day gave me a positive outlook on suffering.i met  two wonderful couples who are in they midst of their suffering but their love for each other is making them stronger.and today i was  inspired by them.and thinking back now ...though my family might be going through a lot lately i realize how closer we became now.and so ironically i am finding myself thanking GOD for our suffering but still hoping it was a different suffering!