Slightly better
I'm feeling a little better than yesterday.
My skin still feels terribly tight and dry, but I guess bawling my eyes out did help venting the frustration and anxiety.
I think most of the stress and pressure I've been feeling to desperately get "better" so as to be presentable outside my room is that the Japan Expo convention's coming up in a few days. That means stepping outside, bathing in crowds for five days straight and not having personal space to reapply moisturizer for about twelve hours. Not to mention that I will also be meeting friends there, who haven't seen me in months or even years and who have never seen how bad my eczema has gotten over the last few months.
Truthfully I'm still worried sick that they might cringe and feel disgusted when they see it. And see they will, since my flare up doesn't seem to be subsiding much. I'm scared to see the few people who have connected with me further than just my skin pull back and slip into pitying me. I'm petrified at the idea of losing the last few people around whom I'm able to feel like a normal human being.
I'm trying to convince myself that they won't. That I'm grossly underestimating them by predicting they would behave in such a way. That our friendship goes deeper than this, that it wouldn't be severed just by that, that it might even grow stronger from it.
Why is it always easier to feel scared than to find confidence?
My skin still feels terribly tight and dry, but I guess bawling my eyes out did help venting the frustration and anxiety.
I think most of the stress and pressure I've been feeling to desperately get "better" so as to be presentable outside my room is that the Japan Expo convention's coming up in a few days. That means stepping outside, bathing in crowds for five days straight and not having personal space to reapply moisturizer for about twelve hours. Not to mention that I will also be meeting friends there, who haven't seen me in months or even years and who have never seen how bad my eczema has gotten over the last few months.
Truthfully I'm still worried sick that they might cringe and feel disgusted when they see it. And see they will, since my flare up doesn't seem to be subsiding much. I'm scared to see the few people who have connected with me further than just my skin pull back and slip into pitying me. I'm petrified at the idea of losing the last few people around whom I'm able to feel like a normal human being.
I'm trying to convince myself that they won't. That I'm grossly underestimating them by predicting they would behave in such a way. That our friendship goes deeper than this, that it wouldn't be severed just by that, that it might even grow stronger from it.
Why is it always easier to feel scared than to find confidence?
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