Sleepyyyyyy
So, My doc ups my meds to help me sleep, now I can't wake up! Its so hard to get any work done this sleepy. I have to find a compromise! I need to sleep but not be a zombie all day either.
On another note, my ex came over for the weekend to hang out, his roomate had guests, they live in a tiny apartment. I'm still not sure how to take that. He stayed sat and sun and we did have platonic, friendly fun, but when he starts talking about his long term plans without me, I automatically feel like the world caves in again.
I can't help but start crying in the restaurant when he talks about moving to another state. He looks startled and asks whats wrong? Whats wrong? Let me count the ways this sucks? I tell him its hard for me to just be friends and hear his plans without me. He says, " I like you, I like dating you, you are fun to be around" "Can't we just do this for awhile?" well.... I guess its okay for now.... but I really do want a real relationship with someone. I of course paid for everything all weekend, I used up all my savings trying to make it a special weekend. I realized that he still expects this of me. I work so hard for what I have. He picks the easiest job he can find. But he knows if he wants something, he just has to drop the hint. I'm such a sucker. Sooo stupid.
I just don't know what to do...
I have to ask myself.. is friendship enough? Is that enough to build a marriage on? How do you let go of someone that you get along with so well? Someone that gets me? I've already given up so much for him... children, a stable financial life, sex... all for friendship. sigh. I'm so tired.
On another note, my ex came over for the weekend to hang out, his roomate had guests, they live in a tiny apartment. I'm still not sure how to take that. He stayed sat and sun and we did have platonic, friendly fun, but when he starts talking about his long term plans without me, I automatically feel like the world caves in again.
I can't help but start crying in the restaurant when he talks about moving to another state. He looks startled and asks whats wrong? Whats wrong? Let me count the ways this sucks? I tell him its hard for me to just be friends and hear his plans without me. He says, " I like you, I like dating you, you are fun to be around" "Can't we just do this for awhile?" well.... I guess its okay for now.... but I really do want a real relationship with someone. I of course paid for everything all weekend, I used up all my savings trying to make it a special weekend. I realized that he still expects this of me. I work so hard for what I have. He picks the easiest job he can find. But he knows if he wants something, he just has to drop the hint. I'm such a sucker. Sooo stupid.
I just don't know what to do...
I have to ask myself.. is friendship enough? Is that enough to build a marriage on? How do you let go of someone that you get along with so well? Someone that gets me? I've already given up so much for him... children, a stable financial life, sex... all for friendship. sigh. I'm so tired.
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