Sleepover

I have a friend coming over soon. She is sleeping over for the night, and I am kind of anxious, which is pathetic but true. 
 
I don't go to bed until like three in the morning, and I don't eat dinner until like eleven, usually. I haven't eaten today except toast and I need to eat more I know, or else I'll eat bad things. Tonight for dinner I plan on having two soy nuggets and a baked potato. Throughout the night I will also have a salad (maybe with feta cheese, we'll see), my skinny cow ice cream bar (mint, so good!) and of course, my special k bar. Chocolate and peanut butter, they are my candy and are SO YUMMY.
 
But anyways, like I said before, I eat very strangely and slowly. So I usually don't like having people around for that. I also still haven't done my leg exercises yet and will probably have to do them while she is here. We'll be watching a movie though so it won't be too weird, I'll just sit on the floor and do them while we watch. She's my bff, it's not like she'll judge me.
Oh, one another slightly "eh" moment. Today my mother started yelling at me because I flipped out since I wasn't losing weight as quickly as I wanted to. She said I am "body dysmorphic" (fucking duh, anyone who has ever had an ED is body dysmorphic), and that she is "worried sick". She wasn't worried sick when I was 14/15 and underweight, why now when I am heavy and could stand to lose a few pounds? The whole thing just upset me. 
I don't know, I just genuinely feel that it's better for me to focus on food right now, even if it's kind of obsessive for the time being. Before I started focusing more on exercising and stuff, about a month ago, I was literally miserable. Everything was all Amelia, all the time. Then the college anxiety kicked in in addition to that, and it was literally unbearable. I am actually worried I would try to kill myself if I didn't have this to distract me. It is only temporary, one day when I am happier I can get back on track. And I will not be dangerously underweight or anything. I need to get over my fear and sadness about going away from home because it is pathetic. I want to be happy again and be able to go out to eat or to places that have food. I am not missing out on much right now anyways, one of my two best friends is already at college and the other one soon will be. I am so pathetic.
 
Ugh. Now I feel more pathetic for complaining that I'm pathetic. I'm going to drink some tea and await my friend's arrival. I hope all is well with everyone!!!