Sleepless in Florida
I know sleep deprevation causes a person to do and say crazy things but, this morning after thinking all night, I decided to tell my roommate that I needed to give him instructions in case something happened to me. Ive been worried about driving. Ive been so tired there are times where i felt I just wanted to fall down.
I told him unless I was on death's doorstep ringing the bell not to call my daughter. We havent spoken in a few years and I dont want her to worry. I pushed her when she was younger to do better out of fear she would wind up like me. She went to college and got her masters but I believe she resents me for it now. I was overprotective of her when she was small. I believe she stopped talking to me because she needed to be free of me and just take a breath. For this, I cant blame her, I guess I just loved her too much.
Ive got so many things to do to get ready for the week, laundry, food shopping etc and need to muster the energy up to do this. Friday is my doctors appt so hoping I can find something out and get some sort of relief.
Replies
Why do I find myself surprised to discover you have offspring? ? ?
I think I will blame that blind spot on the fact that my parenting skills didn't even get my own kids job skill certified, much degreed. I find myself hiding shamefully from peers who managed to get their kids through college. Here in their middle age, they are too financially dependent to give me a proper Toxic People flush. Major ouch country there. Expert finger wiggling not allowed in those still infected wounds. Not even after the expert has washed those dirty fingers. Expert league foreplay required.
Kudos to your roommate for being willing to receive your emergency instructions. Borderline wow that your roomy has your estranged daughter's contact info. Good roomies are hard to come by.
Ok! So this is where the healing begins!
You just listed about 5 resentments, you are holding on to, that you need to forgive yourself for. Can you find them?
Holding onto fear.
Pushing your daughter to do better
Judging yourself in the negative, as "not wanting your daughter to wind up like you"
Overprotective of daughter
Not loving yourself
I think it's important to understand that nobody is perfect and that we all make mistakes....I always forgive myself for thinking I need to be perfect. Mistakes are unavoidable because we are human. We are all made that way.
Be kind to yourself. It seems to me that you need a vacation. Go to the beach, lay in the sun, but don't go in the water, I hear sharks are pretty bad down there!
God Bless