Sleep update
I have been having better nights slowly, slowly. I've been trying to give myself time to be quiet. Normally I would have the tv on as I wrote right now, but it's better to have it quiet in here. My son is playing on his ipad - a new alphabet app - and my middle daughter is on her computer. I just put dinner in the oven and so I'm sitting with the heating pad on my neck and shoulders. Yay me. Dinner 3 nights in a row! :-) Maybe my husband will see I'm trying.
No, he sees I'm trying. I'm really not sure why I cannot get thoughts that are old and of things LONG ago out of my mind. It's the depression/anxiety merry go round, I suppose. It causes so much tension in my body that the next thing I know I'm writhing in pain. I've taught my girls to whine and cry at every little ache and pain, too. They weren't like this when they were little. My mom did not complain to me, so I know I did not learn it from her. I did not learn it from anyone. I think my pain tolerance has gotten smaller and smaller as I've gotten older and my stresses become less manageable (whether in reality or in my mind).
My husband is going out of town next week and I am not very excited about it. I cannot allow myself to worry and pain myself into illness or another major pain flare. Doctors won't give me any pain meds, so it's either ibuprofen or nothing. There must have been part of me that saw going to the rheumatologist as the answer to my pain. That if I could just get to that appointment then I would get the pain meds I need and then I would be fine. Obviously, I did not get the pain meds I wanted. I got nothing. They have not even called me back with any status update about the insurance and Lyrica.
But maybe that's for the best right now. I cannot start some new med and have hubby go out of town. The heating pad and I will just rest on the sofa. I will hug my kids and tell them I love them. I will remind myself to LET THE OLD STUFF GO and not mentally abuse myself by going over things that are done and over. I hope tonight is an improvement on last night, and so forth. It's going to BE OKAY. I have faith. I am me.
dea
No, he sees I'm trying. I'm really not sure why I cannot get thoughts that are old and of things LONG ago out of my mind. It's the depression/anxiety merry go round, I suppose. It causes so much tension in my body that the next thing I know I'm writhing in pain. I've taught my girls to whine and cry at every little ache and pain, too. They weren't like this when they were little. My mom did not complain to me, so I know I did not learn it from her. I did not learn it from anyone. I think my pain tolerance has gotten smaller and smaller as I've gotten older and my stresses become less manageable (whether in reality or in my mind).
My husband is going out of town next week and I am not very excited about it. I cannot allow myself to worry and pain myself into illness or another major pain flare. Doctors won't give me any pain meds, so it's either ibuprofen or nothing. There must have been part of me that saw going to the rheumatologist as the answer to my pain. That if I could just get to that appointment then I would get the pain meds I need and then I would be fine. Obviously, I did not get the pain meds I wanted. I got nothing. They have not even called me back with any status update about the insurance and Lyrica.
But maybe that's for the best right now. I cannot start some new med and have hubby go out of town. The heating pad and I will just rest on the sofa. I will hug my kids and tell them I love them. I will remind myself to LET THE OLD STUFF GO and not mentally abuse myself by going over things that are done and over. I hope tonight is an improvement on last night, and so forth. It's going to BE OKAY. I have faith. I am me.
dea
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