Six months today

It's six months ago that Sarah died...........six months! I don't know if that seems like the blink of an eye or an eternity. Funny thing is that it seems just like any other day. Being the six month anniversary of the day your only child dies doesn't make it more difficult. Each day is the worst that can be imagined.
I have had so many blessings in my life being Sarah's mother but now I am going to miss out on.......                                                                                                
     *helping to plan her wedding, trying on dresses and laughing at some, ooh'ing and  aah'ing at others, crying with tears of joy when she finds just the right one.
     *watching her grow larger with life as she carries my grandchild within her. Putting my head on her belly or just hugging her belly, telling the baby that we can't wait for them to come out and join our small, but very loving, family.
But those were my dreams, not Sarah's. Chances were that she and Ryan were going to remain the way they were, committed and happy without the need of a ceremony. And the baby thing? That was only going to happen if Sarah could give birth to a litter of kittens!
 

Replies

RememberKala
RememberKala

Understanding the pain and the lost dreams so well. After almost 4 years I still go there sometimes. Six months was a crazy time for me, so long, and so short...mostly just so unbelieveable. My heart aches for you my friend because I DO know the pain. I also know that I\'m not still in that same black pit that I once was. I pray that gives you a glimmer of hope for your own journey. I love that you show a lightness of spirit in your comment that Sarah would only have had a baby if it were a litter of kittens! That made me smile....bet it made Sarah smile too! Take care of you the best you can and know that you are loved and understood~~Teri.
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

Linear time is indeed so strange isn\'t it? I feel those same kinds of feelings when I think about Doug who has been gone from his earthly journey for 27 months now...Somehow we manage to lean into these thoughts and allow them to come into our hearts, yet for me I must surrender them for if I stay too long in the \"what I\'m missing out on\" it hurts too much. Smiled too at your litter of kittens comment as Teri did and am sending you lots of loving care and so much understanding. Wishing you peace on this new journey none of us ever remember signing up for? XXOO Love, Joanie
KandL
KandL

Lori, Every day is diFficult without our beloved children. I believe we must not only grieve our children but grieve dreams that will never come to pass & even grieve our lives as we once knew them. I do love that Sarah was a woman who knew what she wanted in life, had love & even knew her babies would be kittens, lol.. I bet you so enjoyed her personality. These little glimpses that I hear from the other Moms about their kids allow me to love their children through them. Thank you for sharing your precious daughter with us. Love to you and Sarah, Linda, Eddie\'s mom
NoraMc
NoraMc

I had the same \'plans\' as you for Morgan & I. My tears just started because I will never have them either. love, ((hugs)) and peace, Nora
deleted_user
deleted_user

I guess I was lucky, I attended the marriage (by a judge in a courtroom), held my grandson when he only 1 day old, stood by my daughter as she legally separated from her husband, grieved as she gave up custody of her son to my son-in-law, unbelievably lost my daughter to suicide, and then got on the roller coaster of grief and never got off. I am so sorry your Sarah left you without experiencing the normal things Moms and daughters do together and maybe kittens would have been a better idea. I am so sorry for your loss and your grief. Truly your friend, BarbaraWawa
deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m so sorry that you even have to know that pain. I\'m not to 6 months yet, but I count everyday. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but I don\'t honestly know. Just know that there are people who wish they could just give you a hug because they know how much a hug means during these times.
JennsMom66
JennsMom66

time flies, time crawls.. was it really 25 months ago Jenn died, wasn\'t it yesterday, wasn\'t it a life time ago ?
Hugs for you dear friend, we know, we understand
MaryLou
Angela-Town
Angela-Town

I understand, I\'m just at six months also. How can it be? Hugs to you friend, Angela, Jeremy\'s mom