Six months
Tomorrow is six months since my husband passed away.
How can it feel like yesterday yet feel like forever?
I haven't cleaned out his closet, it would make me feel like I was getting rid of him.
Is that normal?
I still cry, but not the uncontrollable sobbing that happened in the beginning.
I read somewhere, "When one person is missing, the whole world can seem empty"
So true. Nothing will ever be the same.
How can it feel like yesterday yet feel like forever?
I haven't cleaned out his closet, it would make me feel like I was getting rid of him.
Is that normal?
I still cry, but not the uncontrollable sobbing that happened in the beginning.
I read somewhere, "When one person is missing, the whole world can seem empty"
So true. Nothing will ever be the same.
Replies
Thanks for sharing......It\'s been almost 21 months since Morey left and I still have touched some of his stuff. I just can\'t. That would mean facing the reality of it all and pouring salt on my wounded heart.
I know that when one door closes a window opens somewhere......my windows and doors are locked for now.
Roz
4+ months for me and I haven\'t touched his closets or any personal stuff yes it would feel like erasing him from existence. Can\'t do it and it\'s ok. We each have our own time to do things and no one should judge. You will when you are ready and if you are never ready that\'s ok too.
Sorting of personal items is truly heartbreaking and I have had to do it in many small stages with lots of tears flowing each time. Do it when your heart and mind are ready. No sooner and no later. I am truly sorry the pain remains so intense for you. At your stage emotionally I was in the same place. Sending you a big hug because I know how much it hurts. God bless. Gerry
I know how our feel. It was hard for me too. When I did do it, I did it a little bit at a time. First I offered it to my son, and my two son-in-laws. They really didn\'t take his clothes because his taste of clothes was a lot different than their young selves. My brother-in-law did come by and asked for a few things so I gave it to him. That still didn\'t put a dent in the clothes he had on his side of the closet. The more I thought about it, I felt that if I gave it to a charitable organization, it would please my husband. He was like that. There would be times that he would stop and buy lunch or dinner for men who were on the side of the road asking for money or a job. He even had small bags of used clothes and toiletries he kept in the car to give them. When I did put out most of the clothes to be picked up, I sat by the window and watched the clothes thrown in the truck and cried like a baby. He would have been proud of me for doing that though. I did save a few of his sweatshirts that I could wear and a few of his shirts. The shirts were made into cute teddy bears for my grandchildren and one for me. It was a hard thing to do but to me it was just one small step forward in my journey without him. It\'s going on 3 years in March. I have been thinking of cleaning out the garage and shed. Just thinking about it. Maybe when it gets warmer in the spring. There is no rush for me as there is no rush for you. One small step, whenever you feel you\'re ready. Hugs to you.
I only know of a couple people who have emptied their spouses closet right away. It took me a year before I could do anything with my wife\'s things. Even then I still kept a lot of things that I shouldn\'t have kept. It\'s been over 2 years and I\'m now going back and taking another look at what I can do without.
It does feel like we are just tossing them out but it really isn\'t. It is a personal connection with our loved ones, but remember your love that you shared can never be given to goodwill, it is someone you will have forever.
Take care, Jeff
Sorry, the autocorrect messed me up. I meant to say it is something you will have forever.
Jeff Bolen, you said it better than I could. Thanks.
I will echo Gerald and all the rest. It\'s been 4 and a half years for me. I still sleep wrapped up in his bathrobe on cold winter nights (and not so cold either). I\'ve gone through his things in stages as well.
Take your time. There is no rush.
As I\'ve said on this site at various times - I had a bag of my dear hubby\'s clothes all ready to give away (about the 3 or 4 month mark), but just couldn\'t do it. So I emptied the bag into the washing machine, then the dryer and put them all away in his drawers again. It actually felt good, as if I was taking care of him once again. Whatever helps you to cope.
Now, of course those clothes are long gone - when I was ready. I gave away our winter coats when I moved. I entwined them together in a hug (call me crazy I don\'t care) and sent them down the chute of one of those huge blue Charity Bins (you know the ones located in the parking lot of shopping malls or grocery stores).
Same with the suit he wore at our wedding. That one took me a long time to give away, but it was still good and someone else could be wearing it, rather than it languishing in our closet forever. So I sent it down the chute again wrapped up in a dress of mine he particularly liked and I no longer wear (out of style).
Long post - did not mean to go on and on - just to let you know, we understand here at DS. And you just take your time do what feels right for you!
Hugs
I lost my wife a few weeks ago. She left a closet full of clothes that I can\'t touch right now. I will deal with them later when the pain is not so raw. I agree that losing one person makes the world seem empty. I never thought I would out live her. It hurts. Chris
At 8.5 months I have moved things to the spare room and given some to family but most are still here. A little at a time. Hugs. Sandy
PS I still cry too but not as much and not for as long.
My neighbors wire is about Sal\'s size so I took batch after batch of clothes to Lou. She picked and then took to work where they were picked over again. From there I don\'t care. They went to good people and Sal had expensive business clothing. She would be please that many others will get to enjoy her pride and joy. 25 feet of closet is now open. I give here clothes away in the first couple of weeks of her passing. Found good homes and am stilling getting rid of the girly things out of the house. No disrespect to Sal but it is my abode now and I\'m only keeping items I like and giving away the rest. I wrote a journal entry on paper ending our marriage which I had to do to process and move on. Wrote of the good and the bad of our 31 years and closed the entry with a hugh thank you for the honor of being with her for so long. I not a person who attaches to possessions as to me it is just stuff. I\'m looking around the house as to what I want to get rid of next with the eventual thought of maybe relocating. Keeping only the things I can use on a new property. Power tools, compressors, sprayers, washers and hand tools. Everything else can be replaced easily. Many may think me as not caring by getting rid of Sal\'s belongings but I want them used as she would and they would serve no purpose to me to by remaining here. Each has their own way of coping and that is how I handeled Sal\'s goodies. In a manner she would agree with! Peace to all! Dewman
My spelling sucks folks! Must read between the line to make sense out of my mind!
D
Im just hitting the one month mark so im both glad to see others express what im going through right now and depressed to think a day might come when I\'ll forget that light in his eyes or how much i loved the feel of his arms around me.