Six months
It's six months since DH passed. Seems incredible. My life is so different from last year. Here I sit, in a new apartment, with all new furniture. I'm writing in front of a fireplace that didn't exist last year. I'm listening to the logs crackle, thinking back one year.
My granddaughter is having a birthday party. She will be one years old, which means my husband hardly got to know her and she'll have no memories of him. Sad, but I've got the anger under control. Last year, the last conversations I had with my husband was about working too hard and not taking care of himself. He lived on salt and 2 hours sleep. I remember telling him, if you won't live for me, then do it for your grandkids. He didn't listen, went back to working till he literally dropped which happened the next day.
So here I am. A beautiful grandchild of 1 and grandson who just turned 6 and I can't help feeling hopeless because they missed out on one of the great guys. They'll never have stories to tell. In so many ways I'd rather it have been me. If I had died, everyone would have been okay. I mean, I'm the step-grandma and there's just my father to consider.
So sad.
So back to my fireplace. I love it. It's electric and I've got on the crackling fireplace sound I found on a recording. Really helps me to chill. I plan to start getting back in shape by doing yoga while it's on. It heats too, so I'm all set for winter.
My granddaughter is having a birthday party. She will be one years old, which means my husband hardly got to know her and she'll have no memories of him. Sad, but I've got the anger under control. Last year, the last conversations I had with my husband was about working too hard and not taking care of himself. He lived on salt and 2 hours sleep. I remember telling him, if you won't live for me, then do it for your grandkids. He didn't listen, went back to working till he literally dropped which happened the next day.
So here I am. A beautiful grandchild of 1 and grandson who just turned 6 and I can't help feeling hopeless because they missed out on one of the great guys. They'll never have stories to tell. In so many ways I'd rather it have been me. If I had died, everyone would have been okay. I mean, I'm the step-grandma and there's just my father to consider.
So sad.
So back to my fireplace. I love it. It's electric and I've got on the crackling fireplace sound I found on a recording. Really helps me to chill. I plan to start getting back in shape by doing yoga while it's on. It heats too, so I'm all set for winter.
Replies