Six Days NC

Okay, so I thought I'd give this journaling thing a try.
I'm six days into NC.  Last Saturday we had a major texting fiasco.  At one point I thought a reconciliation was possible, but then when xAP asked what I wanted to say if we go together that afternoon, I went on to tell her how much I loved her and how I wanted to be the one who meant so much to her, not her ongoing string of boyfriends.  (You see, while we were having an EA, nothing more could happen because "I'M MARRIED."  Her caps every time.).  I said I understood, buit I don't think I really did.  Well, after I (once again) professed my utterly undying love for her, she told me I was shitting on her new relationship and that we were done.  When I said never say never, that I would be there for her if she ever needed me, she said done is done.  Over.  
That's what I've been living with for a week.  I'm devastated and she's at the start of a new loving relationship with an old friend/new boyfriend, and she dropped me, as DesertFlower described, like a bad habit.  So I'm in agony, and I'm convinced she's not given me a second's thought.  This is after having spent hours upon hours upon hours together listening to music, dancing, drinking, goint out to lunch, making plans for doing stuff, thinking of each other first when it comes to books or movies or whatever - what would Despair999 like, or, oh, xAP would love that.  Okay, it was a fantasy.  It wasn't real life.  But the feelings were real, and their absense is really feltg.  And I'm lonely.
What we here call progress I call desperation.  I have blocked her home and cell phones on my cell.  I've blocked her home and cell numbers on my office line.  I deleted her photo from her contact listing.  I haven't deleted her contact listing itself, nor have I deleted her son's listing.  When there was still an us, I told him he could call me if he needed anything, and I'm  not going to go back on that promise, if it ever comes up.  
Before we split, I had ordered some gifts for her new house.  I helped her pack up the old house and helped get her set up in the new one, and so there were some things on order.  I've asked the suppliers to ship directly to her rather than to me.  So maybe when she receives these, it will kindle some sort of latent affection.  Though, when, in a moment of weakness last week, I arranged to send flowers, that generated no response (or at least I think it generated no response since her numbers are blocked.  I also deleted my FB page. I did send a birthday present to her daughter before I thought we were all over.  Not sure how that was received.
So, six days in I'm still struggling.  On the positive side, I have this forum to unload on.  I've talked to something of an offbeat counselor who's been helpful.  I'm talking to my oldest friend, and next week I'm going to start volunteer work.  My work schedule is almost totally flexible, so that could be  good, adding some uncertainty to the day and actually helpful people who need help.   I also decided that I'm going to try to be a better husband.  I've head a lengthy talk with W about my "existential" crisis, without reference to the A, and I think that was good.  
The thought is still very much in the front of my mind that if xAP calls, or breaks up with her new BF, I'll resume the EA, though I'm guessing that is pure fantasy.
Feeling is still :( horrible.  As I said, still missing the contact and the calls and texts.  Still lonely.  And with the fairly firm realization that this is an addiction, I can see this happening again.