Sitting on the fence

Last week a friend of my husband's called me.  He needed some traps for hunting that are here at the condo and instead of my husband coming and getting them, he gave Mike my cell phone.  Mike has been a friend of Jeff's for many years and a friend of mine through Jeff.  They have been hunting buddies and Jeff belongs to the Hunt Club that Mike founded.   Upon his call Mike started talking to me about our circumstance.  To make a long story short, he validated my feelings that what Jeff has done is wrong.  He told Jeff he wants to talk to him about it, that he doesn't feel like he's been a good friend to him when he needed someone the most and he wants to see where his head and heart are at.  He also told him that although he doesn't plan on beating him up about it, he plans on telling him what he needs to hear, not what he wants to hear.  He and Jeff are meeting on Tuesday for this talk.  If this talk takes place, Mike will be the only one (outside of me and the kids) who has the guts to call Jeff out on what the hell he's done.  Everyone else is just letting him get on with his life like we never existed.  His new friends and family haven't forced him to face what he's done.  Mike will. Mike and his wife went through something similar 7 years ago.  They were seperated for 6 months before Mike took a good hard look at himself and owned up to his part in the breakdown of his marriage.  He and his wife are now very happily married.  He feels that Jeff has not owned up to his part in our marriage falling apart and is running away from all his problems.  Mike also feels very strongly that after our Bankruptcy and Foreclosure that Jeff feels like he has failed his family and instead of facing this, he bailed.  He plans on talking to Jeff about this too. Mike and his wife offered to sit and talk with me about all this.  They are very spiritual and just want to help me deal with the heartache.  I told him that I would feel like I was betraying Jeff by talking to him because although we've been friends too, he is really Jeffs friend and not mine.  He said to me, "Chrissy, Jeff knows me and he knew the minute he gave me your phone number that I would be talking to you about this".   The thing is, the fact that Mike feels Jeff is in the wrong and is willing to "call him out on it" gives me hope again.  I don't want hope again.  I've gotten over the hope stage.  But along with that, Jeff still hasn't given me his proposal to counter his spousal support offer and I asked for it over 3 weeks ago.  This makes me wonder why.  I've concluded that there could be 3 reasons for this......     1.  He's having second thoughts and maybe he's willing to talk to Mike to get his head straight.     2.  He's been too busy at work (which is very true) but all this takes is a few minutes.     3.  I'm just not important enough for him to take the time out of his life to get this done. Thus - I am sitting on the fence.  I don't know what is happening here and I don't want to push Jeff for the proposal because I think I'm trying to delay this divorce as long as possible hoping he'll reconsider.  Now along with that, I truly don't know if I would take him back if he wanted to come back.  So much has happened in the last 5 months that I don't know if I could ever trust him again.  I know he's been "talking" to another woman and she does work for his company.  This would bother me every day.  He's ripped my heart out and I would worry and wait for the next time he would do this.  This too would bother me every day.   I know I could forgive him for his mistakes and bad decisions (as we all make them) but I don't know if I could find it within myself to trust him even if he was sincerely apologetic and willing to make our marriage work.  I know it would take a lot of daily groveling and reassurance from him in order for me to get over this and quite frankly I don't see him being able to do this. So as I said, I am sitting on the fence.  I find myself thinking about this every waking minute.  Ever since Mike's phone call to me.  There is a real possibility that Jeff will tell Mike that he just doesn't love me anymore, no feelings what-so-ever, and he hasn't for a long time.  He also might tell Mike that he's fallen in love with someone else and just hasn't had the nerve to be straight up about it.  Or he might tell Mike that he is having second thoughts about divorcing me and doesn't know how to fix it.  I just don't know what is happening and it's causing me to hang on to that thread of hope again. I'm not going to have a sit down talk with Mike and his wife, but I am going to ask Mike to tell Jeff that if he's having second thoughts he better speak up about it because he is truly losing me for good.  And I'm also going to ask Mike to tell Jeff that if he plans on still going through with this divorce, then have enough respect for me to get it started no matter what it takes.  Leaving me hanging is not fair and he's caused enough damage in my life already.  If he still wants a divorce, then I want this over and done with so I can truly get on with my life.  Then once and for all that thread of hope will be severed and I can get off this damned fence.